Aniston's Eyemergency

While filming a Smart Water commercial in the California desert, Jennifer Aniston was squirted in her right eye with the mysterious and brainy water thereby causing irreparable damage to the eye and her reputation as the girl-next-door...only more gorgeous...with a better looking ex-husband...and more exciting career...oh, and with lots more money.

Now Ms. Aniston's eye is being referred to as "wonkier than Paris Hilton's crazy wonk eye...and that shite is wonky!" Wow, painful comparison.

We wish Aniston the best of luck in securing "the one" doctor in the world who may be able to fix things. Unfortunately, said doctor spends most of his time traveling with Angelina Jolie on her humanitarian missions. GREAT GOOGLYMOOGLY! That Jolie ruins everything!