Pretty (& Pulled) in Pink

I haven't posted anything on Kylie Minogue in awhile and that pink dress caught my eye so I thought it might be time to revisit Ms. Minogue.

How could one not feel good wearing that pink frock? It's so lively! But I couldn't help but notice how smooth her skin is...Where are the lines? Are those cheek implants? Hmmmm, she should lay off the procedures a bit. IMHO.

These Just Trip Me Out

I'm sorry - I had to revisit these. Geri Halliwell and her trainer/bodyguard just make for such striking photos. The differences in human bodies entirely too trippy!

Completely bizarro. Dude's body doesn't look "natural" either...me thinks he has had some help with that. Still though, the pictures are crazy!

Click 'em all for a much closer look.

And if This Bish is Pregnant...

...I'LL PHUCKING CUT SOMEONE...AND IT WON'T BE ME EITHER!

Nicole Richie pregnant is just all sorts of wrong. Drug and alcohol addicted, arrested for heroin possession, arrested for driving the wrong way on a phucking freeway while under the influence of Vicodin and weed...she and Joel "Poser" Madden haven't been together long let alone married...her ass is probably headed to jail after her last arrest...and the bish starves herself...shite pisses me off.

These were snapped at the YSL Pool Party to benefit Center Dance Arts last Thursday. Page Six is reporting she was wearing what looked like an engagement ring:

"It was one big rock surrounded by more diamonds," our source said. Richie refused to talk about the ring. Meanwhile, Madden was "overly attentive to her - keeping his arm around her all night - and repeatedly asked her if she was OK." The cozy couple ate everything on their plates, lobster salad and lamb, but refused all alcohol, which our snarky spy called "a first for her."

Seriously, I'm gonna cut her.

Even Lesbians Have Better Luck Getting Pregnant than I Do Damn It!

Anyone remember Sara Gilbert from "Roseanne" and, most recently, "ER?" Well she and her partner, Allison Adler, are expecting their second child later this year...conceived through IVF.

If you're an Upchuck regular than you know my struggles. Shite. Even lesbians have an easier time of it than I do. Sucks for me. At least right now. Boo hoo. Okay, self-pity is done for today.

...damn lesbians. Seriously, last comment.

Fairchild Loves Her Surgeon...

...and her dermatologist. At 57, Morgan Fairchild is looking dynamite but she is, in my opinion, definitely a "my surgeon is my best friend" kind of older woman. And 57 is quite young!

She was looking like quite the Hollywood glamour puss at last night's 59th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards in L.A.

Keira & Rupert Walk it Out

Keira Knightley and beau Rupert Friend cruised London as they often do. I'm not digging Ruperts short blond hair but I also hate long hair on a guy. He'd look awesome if his hair was brown. Yes, that would be much better.

Maybe the blond 'do is for his role in "The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas" which is currently filming and set for release in Argentina in 2008. I'll probably be missing that one.

RaRay at the Emmy's

Rachael Ray bugs the shite out of a lot of people but I can't hate her. Girlfriend gives great cooking tips without any pretense. Everything I've learned from her and utilized has turned out well. Wow, that sounds pretensious. BAHHHHHH!

Rachael and hubby were snapped at the 59th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards in L.A.

It's Just Too Easy to Make Fun of Spears

I can't tell if that's Britney's areola or a boob pad from the dress. It looks squishy and brown.

Seriously, does she think we all want to see that mess? Between her arse and semi-boob shots earlier this week and these latest pics...well, I'm totally wondering if this girl has her marbles yet. I'm thinking, like, not, like. Oh yeah, she needs to shut her mouth too. She's been flashing that stupid arse wide open mouth look for years.

Here's the latest letter from Candy Spelling, mama to Tori "WTF?" Spelling, and woman with entirely too much time on her hands. This one was also sent to TMZ for posting for BritBrit's benefit:

Dear Britney:

You made me do it. I didn't plan to write another letter now. I took two weeks off from TMZ.com because I didn't feel strongly about what anyone was doing -- or else I couldn't decide which side to believe.

You've driven me back to my laptop to ask why, if you have to slither in and out of cars, do clumsy imitations of gymnasts and wear clothes that are just too tight, trashy or skimpy, do you have to pose in front of photographers all the time? We've seen the body parts, poses and clumsy attention-seeking tricks before. You're wearing out your welcome. Some people never can turn away from a train wreck, so who can blame the photographers for waiting for your next one? Do you really want captions such as TMZ's own "Victim of Pap Smear" and "Does Britney Change Clothes for Cash" to be your legacy? You can do much better.

Unlike some others who are famous for being famous, you initially earned the fame and respect you achieved. You were a giant star, a Mouseketeer, a singer whose song titles became part of everyone's vocabulary. You made some missteps. We all do. But, when you become more famous for hideous, irresponsible actions than accomplishments, it's time to step back and figure out where you want your life to go. So many young girls still see you as a role model. Give those kids a reason to look up to you. They're probably even tired of the endless speculation about what undergarments you may or may not be wearing. I know their parents would like you to move on and get dressed. Even the school uniform was more dignified.

You're doing all right with the wigs. I know the paparazzi have a bounty on your (wigless) head. I think it's great that you have a variety of wigs (some very stylish) when you go out in public. If you do feel you need to show how your hair is growing back, at least make a deal with a photographer to sell the photo and donate the money to charity. Do you know what a statement that would make?

Enough with the sorry grabs for attention. Deep down, especially for your sons, people want you to succeed. You can always get attention if you need it. Visit someone famous in jail and attract a zillion photographers if you're that addicted to fame. Americans like winners. We like those stories about what people do with second chances. How about a moratorium on train wrecks and some time out for paying back the fans who helped you succeed?

Best,

Candy Spelling

Rod & Penny Do It

Rocker Rod Stewart married girlfriend (of 7yrs) Penny Lancaster today in Portofino, Italy, after sunning and partying the day/night before (pics are from last night).

This is Rod's third marriage and Penny's first. The couple has an 18-month-old son together named Alastair. So pretentious.

Happy Father's Day Jude

Dude, London sells Corona 4 packs?! Coolio. Jude Law looked like he was getting his preparing for party mode as he left a liquor store in London Thursday.

Count me in!

No Big Biel

Jessica Biel was trying her best to avoid the razzi getting a picture of her face last week as she walked her dogs. Could it be because Justin Timberlake insisted she not travel with him for the Paris leg of his tour?

Check out Justin's words below from an interview with The Mirror. Not so nice man...not so nice. This dude is so stuck on himself these days. A dozen humble pies in the face might be just what Mr. Jt needs.

On Jessica:
"She truly insisted that she came with me on tour. I don't know how to say no to a pretty face. But it wasn't really a good idea. This time I'm putting the machine before everything else. Jessica met up with me in Manchester, but for Paris I told her categorically no. This tour is very important for me. I'm doing it really seriously so there's no question of playing sweethearts!"

About the love of his life:
"I haven't met her yet."

The last lie he told?:
"When I made the whole world believe that Scarlett was my girlfriend."

Any body image issues?:
"Physically nothing. I'm well proportioned and nothing offends me when I look in the mirror. I defy a girl not to fall for me if I'm on a surfboard or snowboarding. It's my secret weapon if a girl resists me."

Ex-girlfriend Cameron Diaz faired better than anyone in the entire interview:"Cameron is without doubt one of my best friends. I adore her and I hope it will always be like that."

Demi Needs to Learn How to Carry a Dog!

Demi Moore, 44, and Ashton Kutcher, 29, were snapped casual with dogs in Hollywood.

It pains me to see her carrying that cute chihuahua like that. How would you like to be barely hanging on while someone lugged you around? Chi's need to feel safe and that isn't cutting it. Shame on you Demi.

She must've gone to the Paris Hilton or Britney Spears "School of Animal Care" or something. Sheesh. -- Click pics for a much closer look. :)

I Spy Harrison Ford

Calista Flockhart and a mischevious Harrison Ford attended Flockhart's son's (adopted in 2001) baseball game.

Go Ellen! Go Ellen!

Ellen DeGeneres continues to win at the Daytime Emmy's. Last night Ms. Funny won Outstanding Talk Show Host and Outstanding Talk Show.

I ask you this: Which kiss is sexier...Ellen kissing her girlfriend actress Portia de Rossi orrrr kissing 85-year-old and newly retired game show host Bob Barker? I'm going with the Portia kiss.

Congratulations Ms. Ellen! -- Pics aren't big like my usual but you can still enjoy Ms. Ellen's wins.

Gorgeous Charlize at CineVegas

Above: Charlize Theron & Dennis Hopper June 15.
Below: Charlize and Nick Stahl.

Charlize Theron is a Goddess. Pure and simple. Theron, Dennis Hopper and Nick Stahl are in Las Vegas at CineVegas 2007 to promote their flick being released later thise year - "Ferris Wheel" - about an 11-year-old girl whose mother abandoned her and she struggles to come to terms with the abandonment.

The little girl is played by AnnaSophia Robb who you may remember as Violet Beauregarde in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."

Rosie Right for Price?

There's talk that ex-View co-host Rosie O'Donnell may audition to be the new host of "The Price is Right" game show on CBS. Host Bob Barker retired last week after 35 years of hosting the show.

Barker was backstage at the Daytime Emmy Awards last night (Friday, June 15) after winning his 19th Emmy and said, "I believe they're going to have a meeting with Rosie."

"She knows the show," he said. "There's no doubt in my mind she could do the show. Now, whether they want a lady host, I don't know. I've never heard that discussed. As far as I know, they've only auditioned men."

Cool. I think it's right up her ally. She loves giving stuff away and the show's format is such that she doesn't have time or lead-ins to politicize too much. It sounds perfect for her. GOOD LUCK ROSIE! Give Upchuck(er) a trip around the world so I can visit my fans! xoxox

Gwen & Kingston Rule!

Gwen Stefani put on a great concert a couple of weeks ago in my city and now she's taken her tour to Canada.

How cute do Mama Gwen and Rockin' Kingston look?! Love 'em bunches.

Let's Play "Don't Shoot the Messenger!

Courtesy of Gatecrasher:

Which male model, who was recently in the tabloids due to his love life, had such bad paranoia due to his monster coke habit that on a weekend in the Hamptons a few years ago he slept with a kitchen knife because he was convinced people were out to get him?

Don't Ever Start Smoking

Courtney Love is trying to quit smoking after her doctor found pre-op nodules on her throat and chicky is having a hell of a time quitting - as do most who try to quit. -- I quit a little over a year ago and it was the best thing I ever did for myself (besides quitting my insurance job, quitting psych meds & starting my placenta diet...I keed I keed). -- Here's what Love said on her website:

"I'm going thru hell trying to cut back on smoking."..."I'm down to a pack a day from two, but it's a pain and each fight of the urge is a little mini war."

"He guessed exactly how much I smoke too and told me I'll have to get surgery," she wrote.

Now, she says, "[I'm] trying to get to half a pack a day and then quit when I get to 10." Having kicked heroin addiction and survived the suicide of her husband (Curt Cobain of Nirvana), Love added: "I think of all I've been through and I can do this."

Also in her latest post, Love revisited her weight issue and the gossip surrounding her much smaller size:

"I noted – 'cos my kid bought it – I was on the cover of The National Enquirer AND THEY SAID I WAS 115 [lbs.]! I couldn't walk if I was 115," she writes, adding: "I'm a big girl with big shoulders and ribs and health is really important to me. Hugely."

Love in Maui May '07.

Renée is Just Lovely

I love Renée Zellweger short hair. Suits her well.

She was looking glamorous yet simple last night at the Women In Film 2007 Crystal and Lucy Awards.

Can't wait to see her in "Leatherheads" with George Clooney - set for release December 7, 2007. Gonna be a good one. -- But first we'll hear her in "Bee Movie" - an animated movie with lots of celebs lending their voices including: Jerry Seinfeld, Matthew Broderick, John Goodman, Chris Rock, Kathy Bates, Rip Torn, Megan Mullally, Larry Miller, Barry Levinson and others. "Bee Movie" is scheduled for release in the US on November 2.

Mini-Mila

Mila Kunis (of "That 70's Show" and "Family Guy" fame) does not look to be 23 going on 24 (August 13). She's teeny.

These were snapped on the Hawaiian set of "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" which is set for release on May 30, 2008.