Bless His Sweet Gay Heart

I'll preface this by saying Sanjaya Malakar, 17, of "American Idol" infamy, owes none of us anything and isn't required to step out of the gigantic closet he is living in - but this stuff is priceless! Here's what he told People magazine for their latest issue:

"I've always gotten along with girls better because I was raised by women."

"I got teased in school because people figured I must be gay because I understand women."..."I think that's why guys didn't like me – because I got along with girls so well. When I went up to girls they would give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek like I was their gay friend. But I was the straight guy that understood them."

"I had a girlfriend but she became clingy, and I didn't want to get into a really serious relationship because I was 16. Before his arrival on the hit FOX show, "I just wanted to date and have fun," he says.

Upchuck(er)'s translation: She wanted his penis and he was saving that it for Johnny. Hang in there Sanjaya. You seem quite confident in most of yourself and I hope there comes a day when you and Seacrest can join forces "Wonder Twins" style...then you can really take over the universe! -- Until then, stick with the non-clingy girls.