Dearest Brooke Hogan,

When I look at this picture of you, it triggers the slurricious sounds of Anna Nicole Smith asking, "Do you like my bawwwwdy?"

And Brooke, when I look at this one, only one song runs through my head and it goes a little suhmhin like dis, "Squattin' on a hog, squattin' on a hog, Hulk's little girl likes squattin' on a hog!"

GIVE IT UP CHICA. You seriously need to reevaluate your style 'cause right now you're a cross between Cher in her "Turn Back Time" days (where's a Navy destroyer when you need one?) and your mom (hair-n-make-up). I don't think it's good thing to be compared to women in their 50's. Not that 50 is bad. But you, at your age, shouldn't be like that.