Broke-Back Birkhead & Stern?!

Sorry, I've got Brokeback Mountain on the brain since posting about the Heath Ledger-Michelle Williams split. I can't believe I'm posting a bit about Howard K. Stern (of Anna Nicole Smith fame) and Larry Birkhead sucking eachother. YES, in that way.

Apparently the NY Daily News obtained a copy of journalist Rita Cosby's soon-to-be-released book "Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death" and Birkhead and Stern don't come out looking so rosy.

Cosby alleges Anna Nicole and a friend caught Birkhead and Stern with their shirts off and their pants around their ankles. WTF?!

Jackie Hatten, described in the book as one of Anna Nicole's closest friends, said the men were engaged in oral sex.

"Their bodies were intermingled," Hatten says, according to a copy of the book obtained by the Daily News. "It was obvious what was happening."

Birkhead told the Daily News, "None of it is true. I'm gonna sue Rita Cosby for it."

..."She got fired and nobody wanted her."..."The last story she did was on Anna and now she is doing this book because no one will hire her."

For his part, the NYDN quotes Stern's lawyer as saying: "It appears that Ms. Cosby has joined the ranks of tabloid journalists who are willing to publish the print equivalent of sewerage to engage in character assassination for profit."

Dannielynn's Father is...

Larry Birkhead!

FINALLY! All interested parties were in a Bahamian court this afternoon to learn the DNA results which determine the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern (almost seven months old now).

A custody hearing is set for Friday but earlier this week, sources close to Howard K. Stern, listed as father on Dannielynn's birth certificate, told TMZ:

"If Larry Birkhead is confirmed to be Dannielynn's biological father, Howard will not challenge custody. His love for her will not change, irrespective of the results. Howard will act in Dannielynn's best interest, because he loves her and would want a smooth transition to protect her, as she is deeply bonded to those who have been with her since birth.

I still think Anna Nicole Smith would be alive today had she and Howard not been fighting paternity. She'd still be a mess but she wouldn't have expended all the time and energy necessary to battle this out in the courts and in the press.

Now, please get the child in the arms of her true father and in a settled home. He better not start parading her all around 'cause I'll kick his arse.

Anna Nicole Smith Business

Tuesday is believed to be the day the world will learn the identity of Dannielynn's father. More than six-months after her birth to mom Anna Nicole Smith.

Howard K. Stern (babydaddy on Bahamian birth certificate), Larry Birkhead (alleged babydaddy) & Virgie Arthur (reviled mother of ANS), are set to appear in court to hear the paternal DNA results in a Bahamian court sometime Tuesday. Dr. Michael Baird, the DNA expert from Ohio who oversaw the testing, is expected to be the specialist in court authenticating the findings. STAY TUNED!

In other Anna Nicole Smith news:

The Playboy model and perpetually drugged woman chronicled her battle with depression and her struggle with her weight in the early 1990s in two diaries that are now up for auction along with other Smith memorabilia. Here are some outtakes (the spelling/grammatical errors are hers):

"I've been really stressed out lately and depressed and I can't quit eating. I feel like a pig. Howard has been buying me som jewelry but he call me 15 or 20 times a day it drives me crazy. I love him but he aggravates me somtimes."

"Hes so very weak and fragile When I touch him Im afraid he might break," she wrote. "If Jesus desides to take him I dont no what I'll do. I love him so much it hurts me to site and watch him when hes hurting I just want to hold him touch him let him no how much I care."

About her time as a Guess model and the pressure to be thin. "I'm starving!! I've been starving myself," she confessed.

We Could Learn Who DannieLynn's Babydaddy Is This Week

According to the Associated Press, Howard K. Stern dropped his appeal to block the results of the DNA tests which will reveal the true identity of 6-month-old Dannielynn's father. He reportedly did so this morning upon learning the Courts would reject said appeal.

On March 20, the Bahamian Supreme Court ordered DNA testing to determine the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, Dannielynn. The necessary DNA swabs were taken the next day.

On top of the Courts denial of his appeal, Stern was sanctioned and ordered to pay $5,000 in attorney's fees to Registrar General and $5,000 to Larry Birkhead's Bahamian attorney. Based on my legal experiences, sanctions (or penalties) aren't usually assessed unless an appeal is deemed to be "without merit" (frivolous).

Tell you what, Stern wouldn't be fighting this so hard if he knew he was the father. Period. Shame on him.

Rx's In Howard's Name - Not Anna's

Of the eleven drugs found in Anna Nicole Smith's hotel room where she died - none were prescribed (Rx) to her.

Greta Van Susteren of FOX Spin News obtained documents from the coroner's office of Dr. Joshua Perper) which show eight were Rx'd to Howard K. Stern, two were Rx'd to Alex Katz (whom no one seems to know...yet) and one was prescribed to Anna's personal shrink,
Dr. Khristine Eroshevich. -- All eleven Rx's were written by the shrink.

According to TMZ, the chloral hydrate which was a major cause of Smith's death, was not found on a nightstand but in a duffel bag somewhere in the hotel room. Stern, Eroshevich and Smith's bodyguard deny giving her the drug.

Larry Birkhead Better Get A Jobby-Job

Larry Birkhead, desperate to be the father of deceased Anna Nicole Smith's six-month-old daughter Dannielynn Hope, received the best crappiest package ever from Fed Ex on Saturday - a bill for $620,492.84 for legal services from fired attorney Debri Opri.

Birkhead terminated Opri just hours before a DNA hearing in the Bahamas
and I'm thinking dude caught wind of the kinds of things she was charging him for beginning with Opri's hourly rate of $475. Here's a real sampling:

1) $4,500 for 3 months of Opri's personal publicist with Luck Media & Marketing.
2) $9,500 for 10hrs "preparation & attendance in Bahamas re services and var. meetings re same"...and 10hrs on the day of Anna' funeral. Even though he asked her not to attend!
3) $4,265 for Cingular roaming charges while in the Bahamas.
4) $25.75 for her husband's laundry services in the Bahamas.
5) $161.65 for an Outback Steakhouse dinner that Birkhead wasn't even at.

The real total charges were $1,131,857.93 but Opri was nice enough to offer a discount of $511,365.09 if Birkhead accepted the 112-page bill "but only without further discussion."

I always thought Debra Opri was packing a huge set of balls in those pants and skirts of hers. CRIKEY! source

Anna's Accidental Drug Overdose

Dr. Joshua Perper, Broward County-FL Medical Examiner, announced this morning 39-yr-old Anna Nicole Smith died of an accidental drug overdose. Smith was taking methadone, anti-anxiety drugs and reportedly others.

Perper said Smith died of "combined drug intoxication" with the sleeping medication chloral hydrate as the major factor.

She had been taking a lengthy list of medications, including methadone for pain and valium, but those drugs were at therapeutic levels, he said. A bacterial infection from injecting medication in her buttocks and the flu contributed to her death, according to the report.

Chloral hydrate is a sedative used to treat insomnia and alcohol withdrawal, relieve anxiety and ease post-surgery pain.

-- Don't know about you guys but this is absolutely shocking news. Yeah right. Thanks for making us wait for this unsurprising news Perper.

Regarding Howard K. Stern: Chief Charlie Tiger of the Seminole Police Department, announced this morning there was no evidence of illegal drugs on the day Anna Nicole died and no evidence of foul play. -- HKS's computer was checked and there was no evidence of anything "untoward."

ADDITIONALLY: We learned over the weekend the Bahamian court hearing the 6-month-old Dannielynn paternity case - has granted Howard K. Stern's APPEAL on the DNA testing so we will not learn of the results this week - as we had hoped. The next hearing in the case is in April so we won't learn anything before then.

Anna's Mom & Ex in Separate Biz

Anna Nicole Smith's ex and self-professed babydaddy to Smith's 5-month old Dannielynn, Larry Birkhead has filed a trademark application for the phrase, "Goodnight My Sweet Anna Baby" - the line he used to comfort his tragic ex-girlfriend Anna Nicole Smith as she fell asleep in his arms. -- He is seeking a trademark to cover movies, books, TV programs, electronic media and stage plays.

-- On the same front but a different note: Anna Nicole Smith's estranged mother Virgie Arthur has been summoned to court in the Bahamas for allegedly refusing to pay her legal bills. Attorney Jamal Davis claims he helped Arthur make sure her granddaughter Dannielynn didn't leave the Bahamas, where she was born, while the matter of paternity played out in court.

Davis says his law firm helped Arthur obtain an order to ensure Dannielynn was not taken outside of the Bahamas. He told Entertainment Tonight, "We represented her to the best of our abilities. We managed to avoid the child being removed from the Bahamas up until the point of time that we stopped representing her and we haven't received payment for our time and devotion spent on this matter.”

"We're just exercising our right as any creditor would do to recover our fees. It's unfortunate we have to take this route."

Overdose Caused ANS's Death

If it's true it will be about as shocking as learning hemorrhoids can be caused by trying too hard to poo. I'm just sayin'.

Star magazine is reporting that it knows what really killed Anna Nicole Smith before it is revealed by that doctor with the accent on Monday at 10:30am. They claim she died of a toxic level of the sleeping medication chloral hydrate and that she had a blood infection caused by an unsterilized needle that contributed to her passing.

The National Enquirer is reporting that the infection was so bad that she would've passed away without the overdose anyway. Test did not reveal what the substance from the needle was.

When Anna arrived in Florida she was already severely ill with a temp of 105. She was unaware of her blood infection and developed a second infection, a virulent form of norovirus, which causes intestinal problems. Anna's friends people didn't take her to the hospital and instead gave her an ice bath, antibiotics and an over-the-counter flu med to control her raging temp.

Anna remained in bed for the next couple of days and on the night before her death took a toxic amount of the sleeping drug and never woke up on Thursday morning. She was found passed out in bed at 1:30pm and declared dead at 2:49pm.

Preliminary analysis indicated the cause of death was systemic sepsis syndrome, a lethal blood infection.

-- The National Enquirer did allegedly take this photo of ANS in a body bag so they may very well have the true cause of death. -- I'm still waiting for the official word.

Today's "It's about damn time" News:DNA Taken from Dannielynn & Birkhead

MSNBC's Rita Cosby broke the news today that Larry Birkhead and 5-month old Dannielynn were both at a Bahamas doctor's office at 9 this morning and had samples taken. Howard K. Stern's DNA was not taken because by law there is a presumption that he's the father since he's listed as such on the birth certificate. ** YEAH, LAST TIME FOR THAT!

If Birkhead's DNA matches Dannielynn's - he can then challenge Stern to provide his own DNA to fight for custody.

The samples are being sent to a DNA lab in Ohio and should return to the Bahamas in four days.

A Personal "Thank You" From Me to The Bahamian Courts

FINALLY! Some common sense in this nutso case!

The Bahamas Supreme Court today (Tuesday, March 20,'07) ordered a DNA test to determine the paternity of 5-month-old Dannielyn - Anna Nicole Smith's daughter by...well, by...we'll soon find out!

There has been so much drama since this little girl was born - especially since her mother passed away in February. If Birkhead is the father - and I believe he is - well, I at least believe Howard K. Stern is not - then I will be even more angry at Stern and Smith for dragging this out since Dannielynn was born.

Dr. Deborah Rose the Bahamian lawyer representing Smith’s mother Virgie Arthur, confirmed the court’s ruling to Usmagazine.com. “They ordered the DNA test for Dannielynn,” she said.

Stern looked beat down after the hearing today while Birkhead reportedly jumped in the air, pumped his fist and announced, “I feel great,” he said. “It was a great day in court for me.”

SO YES - I thank the Bahamian courts for today's decision, oh, and for Bahama Mamas - 'cause they're yummy.

Oh, if you missed the post late last night about one of the Anna Nicole Smith Florida judges getting busted - click here.

Anna Nicole Smith Judge Cited for Smoking a Joint in Park...I Knew I Liked Him ; )

Remember the two Florida judges with two completely different styles who ruled separately in the Anna Nicole Smith case recently? Well, the better judge (pictured above), Broward Circuit Judge Lawrence Korda, was cited and ordered to appear in court after getting caught by three on-duty officers smoking a joint under a tree in Stanley Goldman Park (Florida). The officers simply followed the smell (this just made me laugh out loud again).

Capt. Tony Rode said, around 2 p.m. on Sunday, March 18 ('07):

"They said they smelled a very strong odor of what they found to be marijuana," Rode said. "They followed the smell to a gentleman sitting under a tree. He was actively smoking the marijuana cigarette as they approached him. "The officers field-tested the joint, which tested positive for marijuana. Korda was not arrested, but given a misdemeanor citation to appear in court at a later date. "It would not draw media attention except that it was an elected official," Rode said. "The overwhelming majority of people who are detained for a marijuana cigarette are given a notice to appear."

See - he wasn't hurting anybody - and HE has been the best judge throughout all this Anna drama! Wouldn't he be executed in some countries? Glad he's not there.

source

Anna Nicole Smith Roundup

Today's events so far:

Larry Birkhead (pictured above), Anna Nicole's ex-boyfriend and self-appointed father of Smith's daughter, Dannielynn Hope, fired attorney Debra Opri today just hours before a custody hearing in the Bahamas.

Earlier this week:
-- A computer that Anna Nicole's nurse was using in the room when Smith died has been confiscated.

-- Seminole tribal police and Bahamian authorities began meeting to discuss the probe into Anna Nicole Smith’s death, but prosecutors in Florida said Wednesday no homicide investigation was under way...“We are continuing to help law enforcement agencies and the medical examiner as they try and figure out the nature of this death,” said Ron Ishoy, Broward County state attorney’s office spokesman. “This is not a homicide investigation."

-- Fox News's own pompous *ss, Bill O'Reilly, is being sued for $10 million for defamation by another potential Dannielynn father (so the guy says), Prince von Anhalt (pictured above). It has been reported that von Anhalt actually bought his title from a broke princess.

O'Reilly said this on air: “Look, this guy’s a fraud,” O’Reilly said, according to a transcript of the show posted on the network’s Web site. “We know he’s a fraud. But let’s — what I want to talk about is — he’s done. His credibility is — is finished."

In the suit, von Anhalt alleges O'Reilly's on-air comments have harmed his reputation - that since O'Reilly's show aired, people give him dirty looks when he goes to the grocery store. Clearly he doesn't think throwing his hat in the ring as Dannielynn's potential father could draw the stares and snickers.

“They say, ‘Look, here comes the fraud,’ ” he said. “I get lots of e-mails from people bad-mouthing me. It’s very embarrassing.”

...Will this be wrapped up this year let alone in the next few weeks? Ridiculous.

Kristy Swanson = Anna Nicole Smith?

The folks over at Law and Order: Criminal Intent think Swanson and Jon Lovitz will make a mighty fine Anna & Howard as they become the first network to produce a fictionalized version of Ms. TrimSpa's life. The episode should air on NBC in May ('07).

Swanson may just be the right gal. She appeared in the FOX's television program - the 2006 "Skating with Celebrities" in which she was partnered with actor Lloyd Eisler. Even though Eisler's wife was 8-months preggers with their second child at the time - the two began an affair and eventually had their own child together - son Magnus Hart Swanson Eisler born February 16, 2007. Hoochie home wrecker should be her name.

I love the Lovitz casting and hope Jon does it! I'll be watching.

Anna Nicole Smith Had a Love Child?!

This mess gets crazier and crazier by the day - I can't even believe it.

Johnny Soto, of the Tohono O'odham Native American Tribe of Arizona, says he had a 3wk love affair with Smith in early 2001 at the Paradise Valley's Sanctuary Resort and Spa in Phoenix, Arizona, USA. The result? Marshall Black Deer Soto - 5 years old.

The Phoenix New Times spoke to Mr. Soto at length for all the juicy details and Soto says that Anna had what the Native Americans call "scarlet fever" (Anglo falling for Native). He further said that she seduced him - they basically spent 3wks in bed making love and feasting on oysters, steak, fried chicken...anything she wanted. Soto also claims she smeared KFC mashed potatoes and gravy all over his manhood and licked it off - TMI DUDE! He reportedly has boxes of documents and receipts including Little Marshal's birth certificate, round-trip airfare tickets from Phoenix to Burbank, hand-written notes from Smith and more. THIS IS SO WILD!

Here are some of the better quotes:

..."Sometimes she'd wear this thick terry-cloth robe, and sometimes she was just in panties and a wife-beater. She smelled like rose petals, her whole body. Every time I got near her, I felt like I was drunk. When she brushed against me, my skin was on fire.

"Sometimes I felt like I was being used, and it left a bad taste in my mouth," says Soto. "But I was just as guilty as she was. The only whites I'd ever had sex with were prostitutes..."

"She also tried to get me to f*ck her again, in the Casino restroom while Marshall played with his toy. By this time she was so fat, she could barely fit in the stall. Ultimately, I couldn't go through with it. She kept saying she wanted me to use my 'bow and arrow' on her 'ax wound.' I told her that was no ax wound, it was the Grand Canyon!..."

Snippets from the article:
For the child's delivery in 2001, Soto persuaded Smith to fly out a tribal elder from the Tohono O'odham reservation, who smeared yellow clay on the faces of both the mother and the child in a traditional ceremony. The medicine man then fed Soto, the child, and Smith a small portion of the clay, and, as is O'odham custom, gave tiny Marshall a name that had emerged from his dream about the Smith-Soto union: "Black Deer." As mentioned above, the Indian name was listed as Marshall's middle name on the birth certificate.

...Weeks turned into a month. The 2001 February issue of Playboy featured Anna Nicole on the cover as the "$450,000,000 Playmate." And Smith noticed that her period was late. Soto never used condoms with his voluptuous mistress, trusting in the "rhythm method" of birth control that she swore by. But a home pregnancy test soon revealed that Smith was pregnant with Soto's child, and she was fearful of how Howard K. Stern might react...Smith, by then anywhere from 60 to 100 pounds overweight, continued to fly them out so that she could spend time with them on weekends. She began to develop profound post-partum depression, which she salved with drugs such as methadone, Demerol, Zoloft, and Phenergan.

CRAZINESS I TELL YOU! Wonder which attorney will run to this one...Stay tuned.

The National Enquirer Should Be Burned!

We all know that they're dirty dogs but how dirty has always been the question. Page Six has learned the post-mortem images of Anna Nicole Smith the National Enquirer published as "photo re-creations based on eyewitness accounts," were actual photos of her corpse in the Florida mortuary where she has been since her death. What *ssholes! -- Page Six quoted an "Enquirer operative" as saying, "We didn't want to get anyone fired." -- Apparently someone with access to the refrigerated drawers was paid a hefty sum to make Smith's pre-embalmed body momentarily available for the Enquirer's photog to get the shot.

We see deceased celebs during their viewings or whatever but I suppose it's the way this was done that totally creeps me out. That and it's her in the body bag. I'm so creeped out and don't know if I'll be keeping this photo posted.

Anna Nicole Smith's Funeral

** UPDATE 1: Anna's estranged mom Vergie Arthur filed a petition in a Bahamas courtroom asking to halt the funeral! WTF? This woman is asking to be shot! The funeral procession had already begun and had to stop along the road until the court issued a decision!

*** UPDATE 2: The judge denied Vergie's petition...funeral underway. PHEW!

(One of the hearses under police escort on journey "home" to Bahamas.)

(Country music singer Joe Nichols)

Country music star Joe Nichols has been asked by Howard K. Stern to sing graveside at Anna Nicole Smith's funeral this morning. The two met in 2005 backstage at he Grand Ole Opry in Nashville. He will sing ANS'a favorite song Wings of a Dove and I'll Wait For You. Reports are that Smith will be buried in a pink POL' ATTEU gown. and parts of the remains of her late husband J. HOWARD MARSHALL, who died in 1995, will be placed in the casket with her.

In other Anna news: Her son's father (son, 20, died September 10, 2006) has filed a petition to have Daniel Smith exhumed and reburied in Texas. You know someone's putting him up to this. He wasn't a part of the kids life when he was alive...this is a fraud.

Anna Nicole Smith to Travolta: *sshole Says What?

John Travolta says Narconon/Scientology could have saved Anna Nicole Smith -- NOTE: Anna Nicole Smith updates under pictures:

"As various parties continue to fight over the remains of Anna Nicole Smith and custody of her baby, John Travolta has stepped into the fray.

The Pulp Fiction star has decided to use her death as a chance to promote Narconon – the controversial Church of Scientology drug rehab programme – saying it could have saved the Playmate's life.

A toxicology report from the 39- year-old's autopsy has not been completed yet, but methadone and other drugs were discovered in the Florida hotel room where she died earlier this month.

Travolta said: 'It's so sad. We could have helped her with Narconon but didn't get a chance to. I wish we had.'

The 53-year-old worked with Smith on the film Be Cool.

Narconon has been widely criticised for its unorthodox and controversial methods which include an intensive running programme, large doses of vitamins and long sauna sessions, designed to 'run out' drugs and 'radiation' from the body.

Scientologists claim Narconon is 85 per cent effective.

However, critics say it is a front to recruit vulnerable drug abusers into the religion. "

ANS UPDATE: A FL judge has ruled the Bahamas has sole jurisdiction in Dannielynn paternity/custody battle.

2nd UPDATE: The Florida Court of Appeals ruled that Anna can be buried in the Bahamas and the parties have indicated she will be buried Friday at 10:30 a.m.

3rd UPDATE 11:21 p.m. EST: Virgie Arthur, ANS's mother, has said through her attorney that she will not challenge the Florida appeals court ruling that Anna is to be buried in the Bahamas.

Anna Nicole Cartoon - Spot On!

Sean Delonas Cartoon for February, 26, 2007, via Page Six.

ANS: Stern & Berkhead Negotiating?

BREAKING NEWS: Circuit Court Judge Larry Seidlin has rejected Virgie Arthur's (ANS's mother) Motion to Stay his 2/22 decision to award ANS's body to her daughter Dannielynn's court-appointed guardian (attorney).



TMZ is reporting Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead's camps are in settlement negotiations:

"There was a buzz at the courthouse after Krista Barth, Stern's lawyer, removed a styrofoam cup of water that rested on the witness stand as Birkhead testified in the Anna Nicole burial hearing. The cup went missing and there was speculation that Stern's reps used it for a DNA test, which could have provided the evidence proving Birkhead is the father Anna Nicole's daughter Dannielynn.

We're told a day after the cup incident, the parties started negotiating. TMZ spoke with Birkhead's lawyer Debra Opri Sunday in the Bahamas, who would not confirm a settlement. She did, however, say DNA testing must be completed and paternity established before any settlement could occur.

Sources say Stern could be amenable to giving Birkhead what he needs to establish custody. We're told that in return, Stern wants ongoing control of Anna's estate and, once the estate is probated, continued involvement by becoming trustee for Dannielynn."

This whole HKS business just pisses me off. A**hole should've settled the paternity issue a long time ago -- for the sake of Anna Nicole and Dannielynn. The ongoing paternity legal battle surely affected ANS. How could it not?