Saturday, July 14, 2007

Conversations of the Classless

with Greasy Bear Davis and Kim "WTF is my job?" Kardsashian at the Mercedes Benz fashion show in Miami last night. It is being reported that Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis's family has finally cut him off because he refuses to clean up his act (or just shower for that matter).

Greasy Bear: Got $2,000 or $10,000 I can borrow?

Kardashian: Um, I thought you were a billion-HEIR.

Greasy Bear: My family cut me off...something about no job, too many drugs, too much alcohol, being worthless. Do you believe this sh*t?

*awkward silence*

Greasy Bear: So, you got that money?

Karsashian: You think these ass implants were free dude? I made $100 off that sex tape with Ray-J.

Greasy Bear: WTF?!?!

Kardashian: I know, I know. But with these ass and boob implants I can surely make $200 on the next one.

Greasy Bear: So you're broke too?...Don't talk to me.

Kardashian: F.U. dude. WTF are you always so greasy and nasty anyway? Not like you work out. Stop talking to me.

Greasy Bear: No. You don't talk to me...until you've got that $2k you owe me.


Remy Ma (middle) & Makeda Barnes-Joseph (right).

With a friend like rapper Remy Ma - who the hell needs friends?!

Remy Ma, 27, allegedly shot her friend of over 15-years, Makeda Barnes-Joseph, outside of a pizza shop allegedly over $2,000 Ma thought Barnes-Joseph stole from her purse.

The "friends" were at Pizza Bar in the Meatpacking District (NYC) celebrating a mutual friends 25th birthday when the incident happened.

Barnes-Joseph, 23, was shot twice in her midsection while sitting in her car - Remy Ma fled in a SUV with two men but then crashed into a parked car (BAHHHHH! You idiots!) and she then fled on foot. The two men were taken into custody for questioning and the police continue their search for ghetto Ma.

UPDATE: Remy Ma turned herself in Saturday night. She was also arrested on charges of assault and criminal possession of a weapon.

Surveillance video inside the pizza joint did not show any physical or verbal altercations. The police believe the two women may have argued a block away from the joint before the shooting.

Cruz'n for Action

Woah Penelope! I wore a shirt/dress like that to the tattoo shop two weeks ago (hubby getting work done) and I think the dudes thought I wanted my vajayjay pierced...or tattooed...or both. YIKES!

Pene better be careful! Let's hope she's wearing boy short panties under there. Panties...some people really hate that word.

Oh the life...nice and fit, fly to London, shop Dior with fans and razzi there to document it. *sigh*

I'll just crawl back to my yard to do some more gardener for this chica. Poverty sucks. Wait, poverty is not having a home or yard. Never mind. I appreciate everything I've got. Thank you Jesus Cruz. NOT!

Garner's Totally Pregnant

Maybe I'm just thinking she's pregnant because I really want to be myself, but I can't help but notice Jennifer Garner's blooming belly.

Mama Garner took Violet to the Los Angeles Zoo for some animal funzies.

Two reasons the baby belly can't be my imagination:

1) She is extremely fit and has no pooch.
2) It's not just a billowy dress. You can see how the dress follows her belly line then gets pulled back in as she walks .
3) Check out how Violet's leg contours over Jen's belly.
4) Click her name link below to check out other recent pics of her.

My bet is on something-a-growin' in there.

Zesty Zeta-Jones

Catherine Zeta-Jones is out pimping her latest flick, No Reservations co-starring Aaron Eckhart (Thank You for Smoking, Erin Brockovich, and she could not have looked more perfect last night in NYC. Just enough of a slit to show some sexy leg but otherwise covered.

That's how a lady does it. Don't show your whole slit. Oops, this just turned dirty.

Not Because of Roids

This dog Wendy is unbelievable but she's actually not the only whippet in the world like this. Wendy has a genetic abnormality causing her to be "double-muscled" - CRAZY!

Click here to read her full story at Daily Mail UK.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Golden Balls and RoboSpice

Yeah baby! David Beckham now has his L.A. Galaxy jersey, the introductions have been made, and now he can start training for the moment he starts playing live and in person for me.

Golden Balls is what Vicks refers to her Becks as. Isn't that sweet...

She did say she was going to try to smile more for us Americans so she doesn't look like a miserable cow but WTF does it matter if she's just going to cover it up?!

[image source]

Stalker Stalking Cheeto Brit

Looks like it wasn't a Britney Spears confidant who ratted her out to the Department of Child and Family Services but a stalker. I know, I know. Who would stalk such trouble but to each his own.

Apparently a stalker is annoyed with the Cheeto loving - Red Bull guzzling smoker and decided that several calls to CFS would help get her attention. Contrary to earlier reports the Department did not make any house calls to the Spears mansion.

What He's Thinking...

How the f*ck did this bird shite on my forehead and nose then get around me so fast? F*cker's not getting my damn pizza. These boobs don't nourish themselves for Christ's sake.

Have $2 Mil Lying Around?

I don't have this problem but if you do you can click here for information on how to bid on a pair of gold rimmed glassed once belonging to John Lennon.

Lennon gave the glasses to a Japanese translator during the Beatle's tour of Japan in 1966. The translator, Junishi Yore, in line with Japanese tradition, removed the lenses from the glasses upon learning of Lennon's murder in 1980. The glasses come with a note from Yore which reads:

"He (Lennon) gave me this ... very nice man. Lenses removed when he die."

The $2 mil is an estimate based on the last pair of Lennon's glasses sold in 2002 which are now insured for $2 million.

Happy bidding! The auction closes at the end of the month.

Beckhams in Beverly

Unless you have been living under a rock (if so, I'm sorry for you.) you know that David and Victoria Beckham have landed in the States and are safely in their $22 million non-ostentatious (yeah right) home in Beverly Hills.

We are minutes away from David stepping out as an L.A. Galaxy star player (his contract and endorsements could be worth up to $250 million). I CAN'T WAIT! Futbol rules and anyone who plays it rules as well.

Vicks has said she plans to smile more for us Americans but from the looks of it, David has been left to smile extra big for the both of them. What a ridiculous media presence as the couple left LAX last night. CRAZY!

I'm seeing a teensy-weensy grin there...she's breaking us in gently.

Let us celebrate this arrival with a bit of creepy cartoon fun:

The Look She's Giving...

...I'm gettin' it from behind from Justin Timberlake. That's Mr. JT to you ugly people.

Jessica Biel looked gorgeous at the premier of I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry yesterday. There are tons of stars in this flick but her main co-stars are Adam Sandler and Kevin James.

Is it just me or does her waist look tiny?!

Oh Ricci You're So Fine

It's so good to see Christina Ricci is back to eating. Did you see her in Black Snake Moan? I know, I know, damn snake movies but there are no snakes involved - really - and it was an interesting flick. -- She was the size of my thigh though. My thigh after not fasting for weeks. Okay, I haven't fasted that long (or ever) so I'm imagining how small my thighs would be after fasting for weeks.

Ricci was looking good at the Hugo Boss fashion show in Berlin last night. Hugo Boss? I can't hear Hugo Boss and not think about the late 80's - early 90's. Is he still workin' it?

I'll NOT Have What She's Having...Thank You

I am completely in love with Courtney Love's music (I once saved a choking baby when I worked at a daycare. No joke. The Charlotte Observer did a story on it and, on my way home from the traumatic event, I called a local radio station and requsted Ms. World be played. Of all the songs in the world, right?)

Love's music is raw, imperfect, exposed. Alas, my chica is looking rough. Wayyyy too thin and those caps are terrible. I'm not convinced she's sober either. One can hope though.

Please Court - I implore thee - rethink the diet and lifestyle. Can't wait for all of the new tunes!

Videos are of Courtney performing at London's Bush Hall and a post-show interview with NME. ENJOY LOVE LOVERS!!!

Cheeto Brit is as Surprising as a Shitty Prize in a Cracker Jacks Box

Britney Spears has been on a downward spiral since she left rehab and things are only getting worse.

Not only did she recently serve her mom, Lynne, with legal papers (reportedly ordering her to stay away from Brit's pet children), but her sister is pissed at her for how she is treating their mother, her constant companion Alli has been kicked to the Louisiana curb, a Spear's single that was supposed to "drop" this week - didn't - and Children' Protective Services visited her Malibu home three times last week to advise her home was unsafe for her children.

SAD! You know someone close to her called CPS on her arse. Spears is a typical trainwreck pop star. Anyone who stands up to her and says "No" is booted. Those children need to be shipped to my house where they'll be loved and cared for by me (not a nanny), my hubby (of 10 years though I'm only 32), and my chihuaha we've had for over five years now (not like Brit who buys then gives away her pets). Wylie and Copper will love the boys too (our other dog and cat).

Since her Malibu home has been deemed unsafe, Cheetoh Brit has moved into the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills - which is where these pics were snapped. She's weeks away from another breakdown. Shaved head again or ecstasy freak-out in the California desert a'la' Anne Heche?

It's Not Ok! Okay

Mannnn, Ok! magazine is one giant kiss arse and this time it's kissing the arses of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo.

The rag reportedly paid $400,000 for the uncensored photos (and video) because they're "celebrity friendly" and sought to protect their beloved Nick and Vanessa by getting the shite off the market.

Boooooooooooooo! Why didn't the foolios buy it themselves. You know some intern is going to copy that shite and spread it all over the world. Puh-leeeze.

Sucks for Jessica. No matter how a break-up goes - no one wants to see their ex having sex with their current partner.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Keith Olbermann is My Man

Yes, kids, this is long but I implore you to read it. To care. To demand change.

Here is Keith Olbermann's (of MSNBC) Special Comment from July 3rd. It is certainly a must read. It brought tears to my eyes and anger to my fingertips. I am so tired of being pissed off and distrusting our current administration. They need to be gone:

"Even Richard Nixon knew it was time to resign"

(From Iraq to Scooter Libby, Bush and Cheney have broken America's trust and stabbed this nation in the back. It is time for them to go.)

Finally tonight, as promised, a Special Comment on what is, in everything but name, George Bush's pardon of Scooter Libby.

"I didn't vote for him," an American once said, "But he's my president, and I hope he does a good job." That -- on this eve of the Fourth of July -- is the essence of this democracy, in 17 words. And that is what President Bush threw away yesterday in commuting the sentence of Lewis "Scooter" Libby.

The man who said those 17 words -- improbably enough -- was the actor John Wayne. And Wayne, an ultra-conservative, said them when he learned of the hair's-breadth election of John F. Kennedy instead of his personal favorite, Richard Nixon, in 1960.

"I didn't vote for him but he's my president, and I hope he does a good job." The sentiment was doubtlessly expressed earlier. But there is something especially appropriate about hearing it, now, in Wayne's voice: The crisp matter-of-fact acknowledgment that we have survived, even though for nearly two centuries now, our commander in chief has also served, simultaneously, as the head of one political party and often the scourge of all others.

We as citizens must, at some point, ignore a president's partisanship. Not that we may prosper as a nation, not that we may achieve, not that we may lead the world, but merely that we may function.

But just as essential to the 17 words of John Wayne is an implicit trust, a sacred trust: that the president for whom so many did not vote can in turn suspend his political self long enough, and for matters imperative enough, to conduct himself solely for the benefit of the entire republic.

Our generation's willingness to state "We didn't vote for him, but he's our president, and we hope he does a good job" was tested in the crucible of history, and earlier than most.

And in circumstances more tragic and threatening. And we did that with which history tasked us. We enveloped our president in 2001. And those who did not believe he should have been elected -- indeed those who did not believe he had been elected -- willingly lowered their voices and assented to the sacred oath of nonpartisanship.

And George W. Bush took our assent, and reconfigured it, and honed it, and shaped it to a razor-sharp point and stabbed this nation in the back with it.

Were there any remaining lingering doubt otherwise, or any remaining lingering hope, it ended yesterday when Mr. Bush commuted the prison sentence of one of his own staffers.

Did so even before the appeals process was complete. Did so without as much as a courtesy consultation with the Department of Justice. Did so despite what James Madison -- at the Constitutional Convention -- said about impeaching any president who pardoned or sheltered those who had committed crimes "advised by" that president.

Did so without the slightest concern that even the most detached of citizens must look at the chain of events and wonder: To what degree was Mr. Libby told, "Break the law however you wish -- the president will keep you out of prison"?

In that moment, Mr. Bush, you broke that fundamental compact between yourself and the majority of this nation's citizens, the ones who did not cast votes for you.

In that moment, Mr. Bush, you ceased to be the president of the United States. In that moment, Mr. Bush, you became merely the president of a rabid and irresponsible corner of the Republican Party.

And this is too important a time, Sir, to have a commander in chief who puts party over nation. This has been, of course, the gathering legacy of this administration. Few of its decisions have escaped the stain of politics. The extraordinary Karl Rove has spoken of "a permanent Republican majority," as if such a thing -- or a permanent Democratic majority -- is not antithetical to that upon which rests our country, our history, our revolution, our freedoms.

Yet our democracy has survived shrewder men than Karl Rove. And it has survived the frequent stain of politics upon the fabric of government. But this administration, with ever-increasing insistence and almost theocratic zealotry, has turned that stain into a massive oil spill.

The protection of the environment is turned over to those of one political party who will financially benefit from the rape of the environment.

The protections of the Constitution are turned over to those of one political party who believe those protections unnecessary and extravagant and quaint.

The enforcement of the laws is turned over to those of one political party who will swear beforehand that they will not enforce those laws.

The choice between war and peace is turned over to those of one political party who stand to gain vast wealth by ensuring that there is never peace, but only war.

And now, when just one cooked book gets corrected by an honest auditor, when just one trampling of the inherent and inviolable fairness of government is rejected by an impartial judge, when just one wild-eyed partisan is stopped by the figure of blind justice, this president decides that he, and not the law, must prevail.

I accuse you, Mr. Bush, of lying this country into war. I accuse you of fabricating in the minds of your own people a false implied link between Saddam Hussein and 9/11. I accuse you of firing the generals who told you that the plans for Iraq were disastrously insufficient. I accuse you of causing in Iraq the needless deaths of 3,586 of our brothers and sons, and sisters and daughters, and friends and neighbors. I accuse you of subverting the Constitution, not in some misguided but sincerely motivated struggle to combat terrorists, but to stifle dissent. I accuse you of fomenting fear among your own people, of creating the very terror you claim to have fought. I accuse you of exploiting that unreasoning fear, the natural fear of your own people who just want to live their lives in peace, as a political tool to slander your critics and libel your opponents. I accuse you of handing part of this republic over to a vice president who is without conscience and letting him run roughshod over it.

And I accuse you now, Mr. Bush, of giving, through that vice president, carte blanche to Mr. Libby to help defame Ambassador Joseph Wilson by any means necessary, to lie to grand juries and special counsel and before a court, in order to protect the mechanisms and particulars of that defamation with your guarantee that Libby would never see prison and, in so doing, as Ambassador Wilson himself phrased it here last night, of becoming an accessory to the obstruction of justice.

When President Nixon ordered the firing of the Watergate special prosecutor Archibald Cox during the infamous "Saturday Night Massacre" on October 20th, 1973, Cox initially responded tersely, and ominously.

"Whether ours shall be a government of laws and not of men is now for Congress and, ultimately, the American people."

President Nixon did not understand how he had crystallized the issue of Watergate for the American people. It had been about the obscure meaning behind an attempt to break in to a rival party's headquarters, and the labyrinthine effort to cover up that break-in and the related crimes.

And in one night, Nixon transformed it. Watergate -- instantaneously -- became a simpler issue: a president overruling the inexorable march of the law, insisting -- in a way that resonated viscerally with millions who had not previously understood -- that he was the law.

Not the Constitution. Not the Congress. Not the courts. Just him. Just, Mr. Bush, as you did, yesterday.

The twists and turns of Plamegate, of your precise and intricate lies that sent us into this bottomless pit of Iraq; your lies upon the lies to discredit Joe Wilson; your lies upon the lies upon the lies to throw the sand at the "referee" of prosecutor Fitzgerald's analogy, these are complex and often painful to follow and too much, perhaps, for the average citizen.

But when other citizens render a verdict against your man, Mr. Bush, and then you spit in the faces of those jurors and that judge and the judges who were yet to hear the appeal, the average citizen understands that, Sir.

It's the fixed ballgame and the rigged casino and the prearranged lottery all rolled into one, and it stinks.

And they know it.

Nixon's mistake, the last and most fatal of them, the firing of Archibald Cox, was enough to cost him the presidency. And in the end, even Richard Nixon could say he could not put this nation through an impeachment. It was far too late for it to matter then, but as the decades unfold, that single final gesture of nonpartisanship, of acknowledged responsibility not to self, not to party, not to "base," but to country, echoes loudly into history.

Even Richard Nixon knew it was time to resign. Would that you could say that, Mr. Bush. And that you could say it for Mr. Cheney. You both crossed the Rubicon yesterday. Which one of you chose the route no longer matters. Which is the ventriloquist, and which the dummy, is irrelevant. But that you have twisted the machinery of government into nothing more than a tawdry machine of politics is the only fact that remains relevant.

It is nearly July Fourth, Mr. Bush, the commemoration of the moment we Americans decided that rather than live under a king who made up the laws, or erased them, or ignored them -- or commuted the sentences of those rightly convicted under them -- we would force our independence and regain our sacred freedoms.

We of this time -- and our leaders in Congress, of both parties -- must now live up to those standards which echo through our history. Pressure, negotiate, impeach: get you, Mr. Bush, and Mr. Cheney, two men who are now perilous to our democracy, away from its helm.

And for you, Mr. Bush, and for Mr. Cheney, there is a lesser task. You need merely achieve a very low threshold indeed. Display just that iota of patriotism which Richard Nixon showed on August 9th, 1974.


And give us someone -- anyone -- about whom all of us might yet be able to quote John Wayne, and say, "I didn't vote for him, but he's my president, and I hope he does a good job."

Gellar Caught Orange Handed

While on the set of her latest Maybelline commercial in NYC, Sarah Michelle Gellar couldn't hide the evidence of her very serious Cheetoh addiction.

But hey, orange hands are a small price to pay for that yummy, cheesy, Cheetoh goodness.

What She's Thinking...

Jake would've loved this top's ruffles - he'd probably steal it from me. Good thing we broke up.

Leather Leg Lady?

Um, call me stupid but I don't get what the safety-pinned leather wrap is doing on Michelle Rodriguez's leg. Is it armor protecting her from biting dogs? Biting lesbian fans?

Looks like she should've wrapped it around her neck to protect it from the stranglehold her chicky has on her. Yikes.

Beckinsale Loves the Rags

Look closely, there's a Life & Style magazine in Kate Beckinsale's plastic bag. These celebs love looking at themselves and reading about eachother in all the mags. Don't let them fool you.

But what I want to know is - why the plastic bag? WTF?! Does she not know that over 1 billion of those bastards end up in landfills ever year and that it could take 1,000 years for each one to biodegrade? Why can't she carry a hemp, net, or some other reusable bag for her little shopping trips?

I won't comment on those silly leggings.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Best Pic Ever of Lily Allen

I'm not pissed anymore at Lily Allen for saying shiteous things about America(ns) but I am still annoyed by her. Hence I have deemed the picture above as my favorite picture ever of Ms. Lovely.

These were taken at the Make Space Youth Review photocall. Great cause.

Our Little Kingston

Man, oh, man, our little Kingston Rossdale is growing up so quickly. Gwen's lucky I let her nanny for me 'cause he's a little gem.

I spy the razzi!