Say it 'aint so Britney

I don't even really believe this little story (and I find the whole thing shameful)but Us magazine claims Fox is trying to get Britney Spears to make an appearance on the show - reportedly to apologize for her VMA performance.

Us magazine is reporting an "Emmy Awards show source" as saying Fox is "in negotiations" with NitBrit.

However, a source close to Spears says: "I can't say this is 100 percent not true. All I can say is that the Emmy people aren't dealing with her record company, her manager or her agents at William Morris. So if she is doing anything for the Emmys then it's not going through the official channels."

If Spears appears on the Emmys then it will be official: SJP & JJ are running NitBrit's career! Nothing says "professional" like letting a 1-year-old and 2-year-old run your business. "We're country ya'all!"

How shameless are these networks? It is beyond disgusting. They don't care if she performs or appears - they just want the rumor mill turning to bring in viewers. Blech.

The Jessica Simpson Conspiracy

Britney's bomb of a performance at the MTV VMA's has been blamed on anything and everything - except for Britney herself (if you're a Brit fan). Stories of the Spears' backstage drama just keep rolling.

I find it all annoying - there are way too many talented people out there to waste all this time, money, and energy on someone who clearly could give a f**k.

I just thought the pic matched the story so I wanted to share.

Britney Spears’ backstage drama Sunday at the MTV Video Music Awards included her insistence that she wanted to have brown hair.

But she was overruled by her management team and she wore extensions from Jessica Simpson’s Hair-u-Wear line, Vegas Confidential has learned.

Backstage spies say Spears pitched a fit. She had arranged for her own hair stylist to make the trip for $10,000 and “she wanted to go brown, but her people said ‘no way,’” said a backstage source.

WTF?! A-W-F-U-L!

Britney's VMA performance was nothing MTV said it was going to be and everything we knew it would.

There was no "Criss Angel making her disappear"...no singing...no killer dancing.

We weren't completely shortchanged though: There was horrendous lip synching...a "woman" looking completely unsure of herself (Cheeto hangover fo sho)...and a terrible dance effort.

Sorry to say it but NitBrit's "performance" career is over. Capital 'O' to the 'R'. Prove us wrong Brit.

Brit's Confirmed, Bitch!

Here's a Britney Spears promo shot for her upcoming VMA performance in Las Vegas Sunday night.

Ugh. Why is she always trying so hard to be sexy. We know how Britney rolls. I live in the South and she certainly doesn't represent the South. We don't have all of our lady bits hanging out. Of course, in these parts, the majority of us are transplants from elsewhere (San Diego here).

Perhaps in homage to the glittery magic of Las Vegas, Spears consulted with illusionist Criss Angel, star of A&E’s “Mindfreak,” on “some of the moments of the performance,” said Jesse Ignjatovic, the executive producer of this year’s VMAs.

As for what we can expect from Ms. Spears, Ignjatovic wouldn’t give up the goods, but promised fans would be thrilled.

“You can expect the things we want and expect from Britney - that will all be there,” he said. “What I’ve seen of it is great. She’ll be dancing, performing, doing her thing. That’s exactly what we all want. Fans that are familiar with her performance on previous VMAs will not be disappointed.”

Wish you luck, bitch!
Wait, not done...all of this makes me want to look at this gem of a video again. Enjoy!

Britney's Having A Breakdown! Episode 1

A Semi-Together Brit

Dare I say Britney Spears looked ok at the opening of LAX Nightclub at the Luxor hotel in Las Vegas?

1) Her fake hair is brushed.

2) Her ass is covered.

3) And she's not wearing her hideous brown boots.

Good on ya NitBrit!

In ridiculous news, the LAX dumbasses paid her $100,000 to show up and "host" (get drunk and announce DJ AM).

Spears spent about 40 minutes in the VIP area (came, went, came, went) hanging on her latest sex machine/career rebuilder Criss Angel Mindfreak. At one point she reportedly took a red lollipop from Angel's mouth and put it in her own. Eh gawd, I think I just upchucked.

But can he make those boots and that shirt (it's not a dress NitBrit) disappear?...for good!

Britney Spears is takin' her comeback serious ya'all! She is rumored to be performing at the MTV VMA's on September 9th and word is that Criss Angel "Mindfreak" will make her disappear/reappear several times during the performance.

"Angel will guide Spears in and out of a series of mirrors, making it seem as though she vanishes and then reappears several times, a source told the NY Daily News yesterday.

Other dancers in the complicated number are being called upon to harness up for simulated flight, the source said."

In other Britney news, KFed-Ex's attorney has filed documents citing Spears as the "monied party" and requesting she pay his fees!

"Attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan said in an Aug. 26 declaration that Federline has "no net income" after various expenses, and that his spousal support of $20,000 a month ends in November. Spears, meanwhile, brings in an average monthly income of $737,868."

NitBrit rakes in $737,868 each month?! Come on people, stop buying her damn perfume and shit. That's just crazy money for such a train wreck.

NitBrit Pulled Over

Yep, we almost got her. Britney Spears was pulled over last night on her way to Las Vegas. She was speeding on the freeway when the cops tried to pull her over but NitBrit kept going for about a mile while the cops chased behind her with lights-a-blarin'. Dumbarse probably thought it was a freeway disco party for her.

NitBrit finally pulled into a gas station where another cop was waiting for her. Of course, NitBrit was let go with a warning according to SplashNews.



This girl is a lucky mess - although, in this case, she looks as pretty as Britney Spears can look. Her "front seat gay" must've done her make-up.

Today's Art Lesson

...brought to you by Gallery of the Absurd. Click each pic to truly appreciate 14's expertise.

The biggest blow hard of them all, Donald Trump, is begging for publicity again by using the names of today's most annoying celebutards to pimp his Celebrity Apprentice.

Regarding the rehabbing (again) Lindsay Lohan: "Another f**king mess. We haven't asked her yet, but I'm going to call her this week. It would a positive thing for her to do . . . for all of them," he says.

Combo-over Trump claims that Paris Hilton has expressed interest in appearing on the show but Hilton's spokesman, Mike Sitrick, told Page Six he wasn't aware of any deal.

Always the flattering one, Trump told Page Six, "We're negotiating with Britney right now. Can you imagine her doing it?"..."We're not sure what will happen. She's a f**king mess. And that little reality show she had did nothing. But she likes the idea of being on television and I think she'd be great." Hilton, he adds, "wants to be on, and we're thinking about it, but I don't know if we're going to do it."

Thanks Ang!

Britney Imposter?

Britney Spears with no weave and wig? Ya don't say!

She should seriously stick with her own hair. Just spice it up a bit with a great cut, normal color, some product, and *BINGOBONGO* she'll look better than she ever could with her horrendous weave/wigs.

Click her name link below to see some examples of the horrible weave/wigs.

No Stand-In for Britney

Oh the drama surrounding the ad for Britney Spears' latest perfume Believe (Believe what? That you need help? That you could get things under control with a therapist and many months away from Hollywood? Believe that KFed-Ex could very well end up with the chirren at the rate you're going? What are we to "Believe?").

The New York Post is alleging a body double was used because NitBrit looked a wreck and that they just superimposed her head for the final ad. The comparison below seems to put this issue to rest. Now, can we get on with her 500 other more pressing issues?

I could give a rats arse if it is her or not. All celebs are photoshopped to hell so this isn't surprising in the least. I don't blame her.

I really want to feel for her and sometimes I do...but she is doing nothing to help herself which is why I don't sympathize too much.

Cam's Filming in Vegas...Where's Mr. Mindfreak?

Cameron Diaz was in Las Vegas filming What Happens in Vegas co-starring Ashton Kutcher and due out June 2008. Did she hook up again with Criss Angel "Mindfreak?" Ahhh, that's right. She's not dating that dude anymore. Too much baggage.

Rumor has it she has moved on to Mr. Big Head. Who's that you ask? Well, it's none other than super talented musician/singer John Mayer. Diaz took a break from filming to hook up with Mayer in NYC. "The two were nuzzly and besotted as they strolled hand in hand down Lafayette St. Tuesday night."

Lookey, lookey, here. Criss Angel and NitBrit photographed together in Vegas recently. They shouldn't be going out...they should be taking showers together. Blech.

Michael Jackson and I would like to know..."Who's baaaad(est)?!"

Men Suvari and her newly shorn hair or Britney Spears during her breakdown earlier this year (I guess it's actually an ongoing one at this point)? -- Click pic for a much closer view.

Mena looks damn hot and Britney should take note instead of traipsing around with her dead animal hair. That's it! NitBrit is constantly buying new animals so she can make new wigs. We should've known. That's country ya'all!

NitBrit Drama for Friday

After our short break from Britney Spears this morning, I'll try to get all the updates out in one post.

1) She fired her equally hoochie new assistant, Shannon Funk, because “Britney thought she was talking badly about her. She was very rude and Britney felt she was letting business emails fall by the wayside.”

2) Above is a pic of NitBrit at the Wynn hotel in Las Vegas. As part of the custody agreement with babydaddy KFed-Ex, NitBrit is supposed to seek permission from Federline before leaving California with the couple's two sons.

Looks like she didn't do that because Life & Style is reporting Federline's attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, has ordered NitBrit back to L.A. IMMEDIATELY.

This little document is pretty self-explanatory. Oh lordy, she seriously needs to leave the kids with their dad, hope on a plane to a far away place, fly in a top notch therapist and do some hardcore therapy for a couple of months. She'll come out of it feeling whole.

Ok!'s a Bunch of Smoke Blowing Bisches

So on Tuesday we bloggers were chatting about how Ok! magazine was telling us they would be spilling some juicy beans and photos from their interview/shoot with Britney Spears, but then it really started to seem like they were blowing smoke up our arses. I can safely say that I have smoke up my arse.

Here are the pages from tomorrow's mag and it's much like we thought. The "damaging photos" were some of the razzi photos posted here so we didn't get anything nasty from shoot (DAMN IT!)

So squint hard and read. She's clearly a spoiled mess but nothing too juicy here. Just a matter of time though!

Friday Could be Brit's D-Day

If TMZ has is right, Friday we should be seeing some awful pics from a photo shoot and hearing about a terrible interview Britney Spears gave Ok! magazine.

Last week, NitBrit personally contacted OK! magazine to negotiate the deal ('cause she fired her manager and anyone else who would tell her "no," ya'all!...or they had enough and bailed.) and apparently things didn't go so well.

Her behavior was reportedly "nothing less than a meltdown" and she was "completely out of it." Sources allegedly told TMZ NitBrit made frequent trips to the bathroom (uh, cocaine anyone?) and "each time she returned her mood would change."

Ok! sources also supposedly told TMZ that NitBrit wiped her greasy fried chicken hands on a several thousand dollar Gucci dress she was wearing ("I'm country ya'all!") and picked up her dogs poop with a Chanel dress (huh?). Everything she chose to wear was reportedly two sizes too small and we know what that must look like.

NitBrit supposedly refused the assistance of "two of the best hair and makeup artists in L.A." opting instead for her fabulous (BAH!) friends to help her.

The mag is notoriously celeb-friendly (arse kissers really) so the question was whether they would report things as they happened and publish the photos or sugar coat everything and retouch the life out of the photos.

Ok! mag Editor-in-Chief Sarah Ivens told TMZ, "OK! Magazine spent a heartbreaking day with Britney Spears and witnessed first-hand an emotional cry for help that will leave you shocked and sad. This week, on newsstands Friday, the truth will be told."

They are surely counting on this to be their best selling issue ever. Oh joy.

This girl needs major help. AND SHE BETTER NOT BE PREGNANT AS SOME SITES ARE REPORTING. If she is, God have mercy on my soul for what I might do. I'm going to take all of her kids and animals and run away with them. Not really, but Social Services and the Humane Society should act.

Brit Never Disappoints

I would like to thank you, Ms. Britney Spears, for always being you and never disappointing us with boring photo ops.

Thank you for flashing your cooter. But thank you even more for wearing panties.

Thank you for shaving your head. But thanks even more for reverting back to nasty arse weaves.

Thank you, BritBrit, for saying, " F*CK you people! I like my Cheetos, Red Bull, barely-there clothing and braless boobies!"

Stalker Stalking Cheeto Brit

Looks like it wasn't a Britney Spears confidant who ratted her out to the Department of Child and Family Services but a stalker. I know, I know. Who would stalk such trouble but to each his own.

Apparently a stalker is annoyed with the Cheeto loving - Red Bull guzzling smoker and decided that several calls to CFS would help get her attention. Contrary to earlier reports the Department did not make any house calls to the Spears mansion.

Cheeto Brit is as Surprising as a Shitty Prize in a Cracker Jacks Box

Britney Spears has been on a downward spiral since she left rehab and things are only getting worse.

Not only did she recently serve her mom, Lynne, with legal papers (reportedly ordering her to stay away from Brit's pet children), but her sister is pissed at her for how she is treating their mother, her constant companion Alli has been kicked to the Louisiana curb, a Spear's single that was supposed to "drop" this week - didn't - and Children' Protective Services visited her Malibu home three times last week to advise her home was unsafe for her children.

SAD! You know someone close to her called CPS on her arse. Spears is a typical trainwreck pop star. Anyone who stands up to her and says "No" is booted. Those children need to be shipped to my house where they'll be loved and cared for by me (not a nanny), my hubby (of 10 years though I'm only 32), and my chihuaha we've had for over five years now (not like Brit who buys then gives away her pets). Wylie and Copper will love the boys too (our other dog and cat).

Since her Malibu home has been deemed unsafe, Cheetoh Brit has moved into the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills - which is where these pics were snapped. She's weeks away from another breakdown. Shaved head again or ecstasy freak-out in the California desert a'la' Anne Heche?

Say Something Nice About Brit

Umm, I like the cap? Well, I'd like the cap on me. Not on Brit though.

Please look at these two photos of Britney Spears coming/going from Joseph's the other night. Going in she was clearly wearing a sheer black top (eh gawd) over her bra but on the way out the sheer top had been moved to her head/face (presumably to cover the drunken mess), she was left in just the bra, and she was using someone's jean jacket to cover her alcohol induced bloat.

Chica is officially messed up again. This has already become very sad again. Oh dear.

Textbook Britney

Another day, another hooker outfit for Britney Spears. Why must she insist on looking like trash? WHY? I know I know. It's her life and she can dress anyway she chooses. We don't have to look at the pictures.

But who can turn away from a car wreck?! There's just all sorts of wrong going on in these photos.

Close call for another cooter flash incident!