Broke-Back Birkhead & Stern?!

Sorry, I've got Brokeback Mountain on the brain since posting about the Heath Ledger-Michelle Williams split. I can't believe I'm posting a bit about Howard K. Stern (of Anna Nicole Smith fame) and Larry Birkhead sucking eachother. YES, in that way.

Apparently the NY Daily News obtained a copy of journalist Rita Cosby's soon-to-be-released book "Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death" and Birkhead and Stern don't come out looking so rosy.

Cosby alleges Anna Nicole and a friend caught Birkhead and Stern with their shirts off and their pants around their ankles. WTF?!

Jackie Hatten, described in the book as one of Anna Nicole's closest friends, said the men were engaged in oral sex.

"Their bodies were intermingled," Hatten says, according to a copy of the book obtained by the Daily News. "It was obvious what was happening."

Birkhead told the Daily News, "None of it is true. I'm gonna sue Rita Cosby for it."

..."She got fired and nobody wanted her."..."The last story she did was on Anna and now she is doing this book because no one will hire her."

For his part, the NYDN quotes Stern's lawyer as saying: "It appears that Ms. Cosby has joined the ranks of tabloid journalists who are willing to publish the print equivalent of sewerage to engage in character assassination for profit."

First of Many Covers?

Hopefully we won't be getting covers and covers of little Dannielynn Hope Marshall Smith and her real daddy Larry Birkhead - but it's understandable to do a couple. Gotta get money where you can considering dude doesn't work.

Ok! magazine (US version) has an "exclusive interview and photoshoot" and he called them after everything to dispel rumors that he had a relationship with a dude in 2000 and that "I've never seen any documents saying that I fathered a child before Dannielynn."

I am, though, very happy to see Dannielynn out of the arms of Howard K. Stern and now deceased Anna Nicole Smith. She's got a better shot at a normal life. Fingers crossed at least.

That kid is a spitting image of Birkhead. Although all I really see when I look at pictures or video of him is a dayum nose job. Have you seen old photos of him? He looks as different now as Ashlee Simpson does after her nose job.

Dannielynn's Father is...

Larry Birkhead!

FINALLY! All interested parties were in a Bahamian court this afternoon to learn the DNA results which determine the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern (almost seven months old now).

A custody hearing is set for Friday but earlier this week, sources close to Howard K. Stern, listed as father on Dannielynn's birth certificate, told TMZ:

"If Larry Birkhead is confirmed to be Dannielynn's biological father, Howard will not challenge custody. His love for her will not change, irrespective of the results. Howard will act in Dannielynn's best interest, because he loves her and would want a smooth transition to protect her, as she is deeply bonded to those who have been with her since birth.

I still think Anna Nicole Smith would be alive today had she and Howard not been fighting paternity. She'd still be a mess but she wouldn't have expended all the time and energy necessary to battle this out in the courts and in the press.

Now, please get the child in the arms of her true father and in a settled home. He better not start parading her all around 'cause I'll kick his arse.

Anna Nicole Smith Business

Tuesday is believed to be the day the world will learn the identity of Dannielynn's father. More than six-months after her birth to mom Anna Nicole Smith.

Howard K. Stern (babydaddy on Bahamian birth certificate), Larry Birkhead (alleged babydaddy) & Virgie Arthur (reviled mother of ANS), are set to appear in court to hear the paternal DNA results in a Bahamian court sometime Tuesday. Dr. Michael Baird, the DNA expert from Ohio who oversaw the testing, is expected to be the specialist in court authenticating the findings. STAY TUNED!

In other Anna Nicole Smith news:

The Playboy model and perpetually drugged woman chronicled her battle with depression and her struggle with her weight in the early 1990s in two diaries that are now up for auction along with other Smith memorabilia. Here are some outtakes (the spelling/grammatical errors are hers):

"I've been really stressed out lately and depressed and I can't quit eating. I feel like a pig. Howard has been buying me som jewelry but he call me 15 or 20 times a day it drives me crazy. I love him but he aggravates me somtimes."

"Hes so very weak and fragile When I touch him Im afraid he might break," she wrote. "If Jesus desides to take him I dont no what I'll do. I love him so much it hurts me to site and watch him when hes hurting I just want to hold him touch him let him no how much I care."

About her time as a Guess model and the pressure to be thin. "I'm starving!! I've been starving myself," she confessed.

We Could Learn Who DannieLynn's Babydaddy Is This Week

According to the Associated Press, Howard K. Stern dropped his appeal to block the results of the DNA tests which will reveal the true identity of 6-month-old Dannielynn's father. He reportedly did so this morning upon learning the Courts would reject said appeal.

On March 20, the Bahamian Supreme Court ordered DNA testing to determine the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, Dannielynn. The necessary DNA swabs were taken the next day.

On top of the Courts denial of his appeal, Stern was sanctioned and ordered to pay $5,000 in attorney's fees to Registrar General and $5,000 to Larry Birkhead's Bahamian attorney. Based on my legal experiences, sanctions (or penalties) aren't usually assessed unless an appeal is deemed to be "without merit" (frivolous).

Tell you what, Stern wouldn't be fighting this so hard if he knew he was the father. Period. Shame on him.

Larry Birkhead Better Get A Jobby-Job

Larry Birkhead, desperate to be the father of deceased Anna Nicole Smith's six-month-old daughter Dannielynn Hope, received the best crappiest package ever from Fed Ex on Saturday - a bill for $620,492.84 for legal services from fired attorney Debri Opri.

Birkhead terminated Opri just hours before a DNA hearing in the Bahamas
and I'm thinking dude caught wind of the kinds of things she was charging him for beginning with Opri's hourly rate of $475. Here's a real sampling:

1) $4,500 for 3 months of Opri's personal publicist with Luck Media & Marketing.
2) $9,500 for 10hrs "preparation & attendance in Bahamas re services and var. meetings re same"...and 10hrs on the day of Anna' funeral. Even though he asked her not to attend!
3) $4,265 for Cingular roaming charges while in the Bahamas.
4) $25.75 for her husband's laundry services in the Bahamas.
5) $161.65 for an Outback Steakhouse dinner that Birkhead wasn't even at.

The real total charges were $1,131,857.93 but Opri was nice enough to offer a discount of $511,365.09 if Birkhead accepted the 112-page bill "but only without further discussion."

I always thought Debra Opri was packing a huge set of balls in those pants and skirts of hers. CRIKEY! source

Anna's Mom & Ex in Separate Biz

Anna Nicole Smith's ex and self-professed babydaddy to Smith's 5-month old Dannielynn, Larry Birkhead has filed a trademark application for the phrase, "Goodnight My Sweet Anna Baby" - the line he used to comfort his tragic ex-girlfriend Anna Nicole Smith as she fell asleep in his arms. -- He is seeking a trademark to cover movies, books, TV programs, electronic media and stage plays.

-- On the same front but a different note: Anna Nicole Smith's estranged mother Virgie Arthur has been summoned to court in the Bahamas for allegedly refusing to pay her legal bills. Attorney Jamal Davis claims he helped Arthur make sure her granddaughter Dannielynn didn't leave the Bahamas, where she was born, while the matter of paternity played out in court.

Davis says his law firm helped Arthur obtain an order to ensure Dannielynn was not taken outside of the Bahamas. He told Entertainment Tonight, "We represented her to the best of our abilities. We managed to avoid the child being removed from the Bahamas up until the point of time that we stopped representing her and we haven't received payment for our time and devotion spent on this matter.”

"We're just exercising our right as any creditor would do to recover our fees. It's unfortunate we have to take this route."

Today's "It's about damn time" News:DNA Taken from Dannielynn & Birkhead

MSNBC's Rita Cosby broke the news today that Larry Birkhead and 5-month old Dannielynn were both at a Bahamas doctor's office at 9 this morning and had samples taken. Howard K. Stern's DNA was not taken because by law there is a presumption that he's the father since he's listed as such on the birth certificate. ** YEAH, LAST TIME FOR THAT!

If Birkhead's DNA matches Dannielynn's - he can then challenge Stern to provide his own DNA to fight for custody.

The samples are being sent to a DNA lab in Ohio and should return to the Bahamas in four days.

A Personal "Thank You" From Me to The Bahamian Courts

FINALLY! Some common sense in this nutso case!

The Bahamas Supreme Court today (Tuesday, March 20,'07) ordered a DNA test to determine the paternity of 5-month-old Dannielyn - Anna Nicole Smith's daughter by...well, by...we'll soon find out!

There has been so much drama since this little girl was born - especially since her mother passed away in February. If Birkhead is the father - and I believe he is - well, I at least believe Howard K. Stern is not - then I will be even more angry at Stern and Smith for dragging this out since Dannielynn was born.

Dr. Deborah Rose the Bahamian lawyer representing Smith’s mother Virgie Arthur, confirmed the court’s ruling to Usmagazine.com. “They ordered the DNA test for Dannielynn,” she said.

Stern looked beat down after the hearing today while Birkhead reportedly jumped in the air, pumped his fist and announced, “I feel great,” he said. “It was a great day in court for me.”

SO YES - I thank the Bahamian courts for today's decision, oh, and for Bahama Mamas - 'cause they're yummy.

Oh, if you missed the post late last night about one of the Anna Nicole Smith Florida judges getting busted - click here.

Anna Nicole Smith Roundup

Today's events so far:

Larry Birkhead (pictured above), Anna Nicole's ex-boyfriend and self-appointed father of Smith's daughter, Dannielynn Hope, fired attorney Debra Opri today just hours before a custody hearing in the Bahamas.

Earlier this week:
-- A computer that Anna Nicole's nurse was using in the room when Smith died has been confiscated.

-- Seminole tribal police and Bahamian authorities began meeting to discuss the probe into Anna Nicole Smith’s death, but prosecutors in Florida said Wednesday no homicide investigation was under way...“We are continuing to help law enforcement agencies and the medical examiner as they try and figure out the nature of this death,” said Ron Ishoy, Broward County state attorney’s office spokesman. “This is not a homicide investigation."

-- Fox News's own pompous *ss, Bill O'Reilly, is being sued for $10 million for defamation by another potential Dannielynn father (so the guy says), Prince von Anhalt (pictured above). It has been reported that von Anhalt actually bought his title from a broke princess.

O'Reilly said this on air: “Look, this guy’s a fraud,” O’Reilly said, according to a transcript of the show posted on the network’s Web site. “We know he’s a fraud. But let’s — what I want to talk about is — he’s done. His credibility is — is finished."

In the suit, von Anhalt alleges O'Reilly's on-air comments have harmed his reputation - that since O'Reilly's show aired, people give him dirty looks when he goes to the grocery store. Clearly he doesn't think throwing his hat in the ring as Dannielynn's potential father could draw the stares and snickers.

“They say, ‘Look, here comes the fraud,’ ” he said. “I get lots of e-mails from people bad-mouthing me. It’s very embarrassing.”

...Will this be wrapped up this year let alone in the next few weeks? Ridiculous.

ANS: Stern & Berkhead Negotiating?

BREAKING NEWS: Circuit Court Judge Larry Seidlin has rejected Virgie Arthur's (ANS's mother) Motion to Stay his 2/22 decision to award ANS's body to her daughter Dannielynn's court-appointed guardian (attorney).



TMZ is reporting Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead's camps are in settlement negotiations:

"There was a buzz at the courthouse after Krista Barth, Stern's lawyer, removed a styrofoam cup of water that rested on the witness stand as Birkhead testified in the Anna Nicole burial hearing. The cup went missing and there was speculation that Stern's reps used it for a DNA test, which could have provided the evidence proving Birkhead is the father Anna Nicole's daughter Dannielynn.

We're told a day after the cup incident, the parties started negotiating. TMZ spoke with Birkhead's lawyer Debra Opri Sunday in the Bahamas, who would not confirm a settlement. She did, however, say DNA testing must be completed and paternity established before any settlement could occur.

Sources say Stern could be amenable to giving Birkhead what he needs to establish custody. We're told that in return, Stern wants ongoing control of Anna's estate and, once the estate is probated, continued involvement by becoming trustee for Dannielynn."

This whole HKS business just pisses me off. A**hole should've settled the paternity issue a long time ago -- for the sake of Anna Nicole and Dannielynn. The ongoing paternity legal battle surely affected ANS. How could it not?