A small explanation...

I don't know if or when I'll get back to blogging. We have just suffered our 3rd miscarriage and for all I care, celebrities and their obnoxious lives can go fuck themselves. I am angry. It hurts.

Talk to you later.

No Blogging 'Til Saturday

Hey everyone,

I'm driving to Atlanta now for our embryo transfer tomorrow (SEXY!). Will try to blog tomorrow.

xox
Upchucker

Since I've Been Gone

I have been ill and away for weeks now...wouldn't ya know it, some juicy stuff happened! For instance:

1. Lindsay Lohan crashed her car and cocaine was found in her car. She fled the scene and was later arrested at the hospital (like she needed to go - there's video of her running away from the scene of the accident) for suspicion of DUI.

2. Lindsay Lohan was seen falling as she left a club and passed out in her lesbian lover's car (Samantha Ronson).

3. Lindsay Lohan entered Promises rehab facility (the facility who famously sucked at helping Britney Spears get better...she's been out drunk and dirty lately.).

4. Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend Calum Best was photographed allegedly snorting coke off of a hooker's stomach. NICE. Effing scumbag. Lindsay then dumped him. Ya think?!

5. John Mayer and Jessica Simpson broke up...again.

6. Paris Hilton went to jail.

7. Paris Hilton was released from jail.

8. Bon Jovi rocker Richie Sambora went into rehab...no word on whether Denise Richards will follow.

9. George Michael has been banned from driving and was sentenced to community service as a result of getting busted awhile back passed out and slumped over the steering wheel of his car after drugging it up.

10. Photos of partying Lindsay Lohan and Vanessa Minnillo holding knives to eachother's throats were leaked. I'm already so tired of all these girls again.

11. Paris Hilton was ordered back to jail today.

PHEW! I didn't list everything but, man, things have been crazy. Good to be back folks.

UPCHUCKER IS ALIVE!

OMG, I can't even begin to explain what has happened and where I've been for the last 2-3 weeks so I'll just leave it at this:

1. Undergoing fertility treatment and massive amount of eggs were retrieved on May 26.

2. I proceeded to get really sick over the next week, was rushed by ambulance to the hospital last Thursday because of dehydration over 3 days & blood pressure was dropping...given 3 liters of IV fluids and pain meds in ER. Blood pressure stabilized.

3. My doctor ordered me to Atlanta and hubby and I drove there the next morning. I was immediately admitted to the hospital for 3 days of IV fluids, pain meds & they inserted a catheter into my stomach to drain almost 6 liters of fluids that my body was unable to absorb.

4. Catheter was removed Monday, kidneys were fully functional again and I was able to finally come home. Just now really starting to get my strength back so Celebrity Upchuck should be up and running again here...slowly but surely.

THANK YOU for all of your well wishes, inquiries, regular visits checking for updates, etc. I love my Upchucking chirrens!

XOXOX
Karla
Celebrity Upchuck

My Body Is Rockin'!

I know I know, I haven't been posting and then I go and post the Jelly Donut vs. Lady Sov video like some lazy arse. Well, I'm super tired with all these drugs running through me and my ovaries exploding (p.s. this is how I talk dirty to my hubby) so I have an excuse.

I've been looking at stuff that makes me laugh and forget that I'm being forced to guzzle protein shakes in the name of keeping me out of the hospital. Soooo, suck it up and you know I'll be back in action soon kids. Ya heard.

On The Move...

Hey kids,

I've been MIA because of an incredibly busy weekend (Hope you moms out there had an awesome day yesterday) and I'm actually headed to Atlanta in about half an hour but will be back tomorrow. Crap, I head back to Atlanta the next day too but at that point I'll be there for about a week. As some of you may know, my hubby and I are living in the IVF (in-vitro fertilization) and it is quite consuming.

I've missed posting tons of stuff but will have a lot more time now that soccer is over and once I return from Atlanta.

Hope all is well and, yes, I'll try to catch us up on some great pics and interesting bits in the silly world of celebrities.

Have an awesome week friends,

Upchuck(er)

P.S. Thanks to Shelby for doing my hair the other day!

Gotta Run to Coaching Duties

Be back later to post more! XOX

A Message for Upchuckees

I have really been dragging these last few days and have had a tough time getting out of bed.

This morning I got up and headed outside to blog, got the Francis post in, then had to run to the bathroom to Upchuck. Sooo, I'm going to lay low for a bit and try to post later.

Thanks for always checking in. Love you kids.

Bits o' UpchuckFoxy, Spears, Jackson, Lane-Brolin, Versace

Trouble in the marriage of sexy actress Diane Lane and hubby Josh Brolin? Looks like the two haven't been seen together on a red carpet since mid-2003. Lane didn't attend the recent "Grindhouse" premier which Brolin is in and Brolin didn't attend the "Hollywoodland" premier in support of Lane either. [e!]



Fashion designer Donatella Versace and her ex-husband Paul Beck say they're going to sue several newspapers over their reporting of their daughter's battle with anorexia. Tuesday night, several news organizations suggested 20-year-old Allegra Versace Beck had been hospitalized after years of battling the eating disorder. Wednesday's editions of London's Evening Standard and Italy's Corriere della Sera newspaper, quoted Donatella as saying, "Anorexia is consuming her... The doctors are doing all they can to snatch her away from this cruel disease." -- Today's statement from Versace and Beck indicataes, "Allegra is not at present staying in any hospital, she is living in her private residence and her condition does not cause particular concerns."

Nice, they're daughter is needle thin - clearly very ill - and her condition "does not cause particular concerns." Brilliant. It's a wonder she has lived this long.



The British woman who claims she is the biological mother to Michael Jackson's three kids and should have a say in the Jackson vs. Deborah Rowe custody settlement - filed a motion in L.A. Superior Court Tuesday (March 27) requesting shared custody of the children and requesting Jackson hand over his Neverland Ranch and another Encino, California home to her. BAHHHHH! The woman, Nona Paris Lola Jackson, is one crazy lady. Nona writes in court documents, "Debbie's hospital records will prove that my kids are not hers because of DNA...."I gave birth through the means of water birth because I am technically a (sic) herbalist."



Scrapper Foxy Brown (aka Inga Marchand) showed up in a Florida court yesterday and pleaded not guilty to attacking a beauty store employee in a Florida. Brown's appearance in court comes a week after a Broward County judge issued a warrant for her arrest after she failed to attend her scheduled March 22 hearing. [Starpulse]



Britney Spears picked-up her kids from KFed-Ex then proceeded to dump them with the nanny so she could drug seek get her painful molar tended to - or have her teeth whitened. Whatever, we're talking teeth people. It's annoying just typing this tooth crap. [tmz]

Bits O' Upchuck

* I hate announcements that announce when they're going to make an important announcement. Nevertheless, we find out Monday at 10:30 a.m. how Anna Nicole Smith died. The findings at Monday's news conference "are going to be a significant announcement."...they "are going to provide some resolution" in the death of Anna Nicole. To which I say: IT'S ABOUT F'ING TIME! Wow, after all this time we could actually have both Anna's cause of death and the identity of Dannielynn's babydaddy all in the space of a week or two. Brilliant.

* Bridget Moynahan was on Martha Stewart Wednesday and did a great job of hiding her contempt for ex Tom Brady and new gal Gisele: "This week [it'll be] five months."... "I am. I'm a little nervous, 'cause I haven't done it before," said Moynahan. "But, you know, I have little nephews, and it's always nice to spend time with them, especially around the holidays."

* Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, through their Jolie-Pitt Foundation, have donated $100,000 (US) to help build the first modern medical facility in Duk County, Sudan. -- The Duk Lost Boys Clinic is the brainchild of John Dau, director of the non-profit organization Direct Change's Sudan Project and himself one of the "Lost Boys" of the Sudan. -- His story is featured in the documentary God Grew Tired of Us, which Pitt executive produced.

* Justin Timberlake is too sexy and dirty to be honored by his home state of Tennessee - at least for now - The resolution, introduced by state Senator Ophelia Ford, reads: "Be it resolved...that we hereby honor and commend Mr. Justin Timberlake on his highly successful music career and for his meritorious service to the State of Tennessee and extend to him our best wishes for every future success." -- However, Republican senator Raymond Finney removed the resolution before it could reach the legislature, citing the inappropriate lyrical content of Timberlake's tracks, like "Rock Your Body" and "SexyBack."

* Her name may be Foxy Brown but she's one dumb fox. Brown failed to appear in Broward County court today on battery charges -- the result of a throw-down at a Florida beauty supply shop. Brown was applying beauty products in the store's bathroom when the owner tried to close up shop. Brown allegedly threw a tantrum and threw hair glue at the owner, then allegedly spat on him. Judge Lazurus issued a bench warrant for her arrest when it became clear she would not be appearing. P.S. Her real name is Inga Marchand. Interesting. The pic is from her arrest....*sigh* You can take the girl outta da thug life but you can't take...well, you know what I'm sayin'.

Bits O' Upchuck

* Winehouse needs to say, "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah" to rehab: The mega-alcoholic Amy Winehouse cancelled yet another show. This time in L.A. at Spaceland after bailing on a show last Saturday at South By Southwest which, itself, followed several cancellations in London. DUMBASS needs help. This sh*t 'aint cool.

* We haven't seen pics of Britney Spears leaving rehab because they were reportedly trucked into tailing a look-alike to an AA meeting in L.A. from the rehab facility - at which point Britney headed home. Smooooooooth. Either she's getting smarter or is surrounding herself with smarter people. I'm going with the later.

* Julia Roberts is converting her $20 million Malibu home into an eco-friendly place running on solar-power. It will be built using "sustainable managed forests" and the bathrooms will use recycled tiles. Eventually she plans to move from a hybrid car to something that runs on vegetable oil 'cause she thinks "it's a small price to pay to smell like a French fry." -- I knew I loved this kid.

* Wood Harrelson's father died last Thursday...in prison...of a heart attack. Charles Harrelson was serving two life sentences in Colorado's high-security Supermax prison for the 1979 murder of a federal judge. That was not his first killing either. Upchuck asks: Why don't more murderers die sooner and why do men named Charles suck?

Desperate Housewives pretty-boy gardener, Jesse Metcalfe, has been on a bender for at least a week now - drinking (& whatever else) into the morning for consecutive days, causing trouble at hotels, etc., bleaching his dark brown hair...and now word is that he has checked into rehab at an "undiclosed facility."...'Cause it's the thing to do these days. Nah, hopefully he gets the help he seems to need.

Bits of Upchuck

* Adderall loving-no eating skeleton-celebutard Nicole Richie and her poser fiance' Joel Madden almost got married in Vegas on February 17 but she really wanted her enabling father's (Lionel Richie) approval so they didn't do it. The great news is that they plan to marry soon at Mexico's Las Ventanas resort in Cabo San Lucas. EVEN BETTER NEWS? They'll be divorced in less than a year. MY PRAYER? Lord, please don't let them procreate.

* Tobago's Archdeacon wants Elton John banned from the Plymouth Jazz Festival because they they don't want to catch his gayness. 'Cause they're so close to being gay that Elton John will be the final straw? That's just crazy talk.

* Heather Mills has been likened to "the boy who cried wolf." Greedy Heather has been advised not to waste 999 emergency calls to police when being bothered by the razzi. Hopefully she won't abuse 911 here in the States - our cops will put 50 bullets in her.

* Jennifer Aniston is skipping out her way out of Malibu and right into the arms of waiting NYC. Great.

* David and Victoria Beckham relived their first meeting at the Lowry Hotel for their 10th anniversary. David reportedly gave Poshbot diamond jewelry, dozens of white roses & handmade chocolates. WAIT, you mean to tell me that after 10yrs together the guy still doesn't know his wife doesn't eat anything let alone chocolates? I'll be sure to spank his bottom when he gets here tonight.

Bits of Upchuck

CONGRATULATIONS to Ellen DeGeneres for her 12 Day time Emmy nominations! Ellen's talk show has been a huge success since it started 3yrs ago. The "Big E" has won Best Host the last 3yrs in a row and has been nominated again this year. Winners will be announced June 15!

Britney Spears is reportedly being a brat in rehab with a "seriously bad attitude problem....she refuses to pick-up after herself and even asked if she could hire a maid!" Oh, and that dude she likes, Jason Filyaw (up with my man juices) says he loves her. Idiots deserve each other.

Dukes of Hazzard racist? That's what some think. According to "Cooter" from the show, Ben Jones, the Cincinnati Pops was pressured to cancel a July 14, 2007 performance by singers John Schneider and Tom Wopat because of their connection with "The Dukes of Hazzard." Jones and Schneider were both told that the cancellation came after members of the Cincinnati community complained that the popular and perennial family show has "racist overtones." Both Schneider and Wopat previously appeared with the Cincinnati Pops. Give me a f'n break!

Former "Witchblade" star Yancy Butler was arrested for DUI after crashing her Saab 900 in Connecticut. Uh, still don't get why stars don't take cabs or limos everywhere! Nevermind, she's not a star anymore. Ouch. Butler was also arrested in February and charged with disorderly conduct after an argument with her meth dealer boyfriend. My guess is that rehab is next. Just a guess though.

The ho that stole Kylie Minogue's man (Olivier Martinez), Sarai Givati, is cashing in on her 15 minutes by releasing a debut single, "Don't Hate a Ho" - nahhh, the single is really called "Insane Imagination" and you can listen to it on her website. I would provide the link but my keyboard won't let me type her name twice. BAHHHH!

Bits of Upchuck

* Danny Glover punches a New York Daily News photographer! Decided a punch was better than a Mel Gibson-like slur fest.

* Snoop Dogg's peeps say he was not arrested in Sweden. Just "questioned and 'weed'leased."

* Angelina Jolie could bring home the "new kid on the block" in a month or so.

* Ehh gawd...Donald Trump to guest host Live with Regis & Kelly while Regis undergoes/recovers from heart bypass surgery. Am I the only one who can't stand Trump-the-Dump?

* Jennifer Hudson is already a diva...and was already annoying two months ago.

* Tori Spelling and mama Spelling are reconciling "for the money baby." Oh, and she's in labor as I type this. UPDATE: They had a little boy and have named him Liam Aaron (tribute to grandpa Spelling) McDermott. Little guy weighed 6lbs 6 oz.

* Stallone charged with "importing a prohibited substance" called Jintropin. Actually, it was 48 vials of the human growth hormone. 'Cause he thinks HcG makes him hot...ehh gawwwd...I think I just vurped.

Bits of Upchuck

• Oh SNAP! 2nd lawsuit filed in the Brandy fatal car crash saga.
• NBC has, reorganized programming. Upchuck to NBC: "Don't f*cking touch Studio 60!"
• Michael Jackson's flu allegedly killed someone.
• Fidos everywhere are living longer but are they also losing it?
• Anna Nicole Smith's mom wants grandson Daniel exhumed.
• If you like Stephen Colbert like I do -- Get one of these!