Mills v McCartney

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Heather Mills-McCartney and Sir Paul McCartney were in a London court today going at it again over their divorce terms.

Besides Mills's earlier allegations of abuse - the latest reports are that Paul wants custody of their daughter Beatrice, 3, but Mills isn't having it because she "is prepared to make the outrageous and unsubstantiated claim to a London divorce court that Paul was such a 'bad father' to two of his children with Linda McCartney that they considered taking their own lives." There is no evidence that any McCartney child has ever considered committing suicide."

This Heather Mills-McCartney has gone off her rocker. Not only has she been talking crazy - but a gorgeous London home plus $100 million isn't enough for her and she also fired her divorce attorneys because "she felt she could do a better job herself," her friend told Page Six.

GREEDY GREEDY GREEDY GREEDY!

Heather Mills-McCartney: Leg Up On Competition?

Cindy Adams of the NY Post is reporting Heather WILL be a contestant on the upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars:

HEATHER Mills (soon-to-no-longer- be) McCartney is actually actually actually to be a contestant this coming season on "Dancing With the Stars." Not a judge. Not a guest star. An actual contestant. It has been rumored this might be. Not a rumor. It'll be.

Mills Fell, Picked Up, Brushed Off...Good On Ya Heather!

Heather Mills (soon-to-be ex-wife of Paul McCartney) continues to rock the Casbah on possibly the lamest show ever - "Dancing With the Stars" - and she took a spill the other night.

I give Heather, who lost her left leg (below the knee) in 1993 when she was struck by a police motorcycle as she crossed the street, major kudos for rockin' it as much as she is.

Still think she's a greedy mo-fo but she has bigger balls than I do...and mine touch my knees.

Keep it up greedy ho (that's not as bad as "nappy-headed hos" is it?). I keed I keed. I've included the video below for your viewing pleasure. She didn't fall until the very end so she none of us can bitch at her for it.

What Have We Done?

Heather Mills is supposedly being flooded with TV work offers since her debut on "Dancing With the So-Called Stars" and it looks like Larry King Live wants her to host the CNN show - occasionally.

A CNN source tells British newspaper the Daily Mirror, "They are keen to get Heather on the show in a presenting capacity." Mills has also reportedly been approached to appear on "Hell's Kitchen" and "I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!"

Uh, skip the "I'm A Celebrity..." crap, OK with "Hell's Kitchen" & you can't do any worse a job than Larry King 'cause that dude gets all his shite wrong. How is he still on TV?

When did hell freeze over?

Aw, looky, some semblance of peace between Paul McCartney and Heather Mills. They were snapped during the custodial "hand off" of daughter Beatrice from Mills to McCartney in NY this weekend.

Bits of Upchuck

* Adderall loving-no eating skeleton-celebutard Nicole Richie and her poser fiance' Joel Madden almost got married in Vegas on February 17 but she really wanted her enabling father's (Lionel Richie) approval so they didn't do it. The great news is that they plan to marry soon at Mexico's Las Ventanas resort in Cabo San Lucas. EVEN BETTER NEWS? They'll be divorced in less than a year. MY PRAYER? Lord, please don't let them procreate.

* Tobago's Archdeacon wants Elton John banned from the Plymouth Jazz Festival because they they don't want to catch his gayness. 'Cause they're so close to being gay that Elton John will be the final straw? That's just crazy talk.

* Heather Mills has been likened to "the boy who cried wolf." Greedy Heather has been advised not to waste 999 emergency calls to police when being bothered by the razzi. Hopefully she won't abuse 911 here in the States - our cops will put 50 bullets in her.

* Jennifer Aniston is skipping out her way out of Malibu and right into the arms of waiting NYC. Great.

* David and Victoria Beckham relived their first meeting at the Lowry Hotel for their 10th anniversary. David reportedly gave Poshbot diamond jewelry, dozens of white roses & handmade chocolates. WAIT, you mean to tell me that after 10yrs together the guy still doesn't know his wife doesn't eat anything let alone chocolates? I'll be sure to spank his bottom when he gets here tonight.

Paul vs. Heather...Over?

(Archive photo from earlier this year.)

Is it possible? Is this woman really human? Can she actually *gulp* live on *gulp* $48.4 million *gasp* in cash and *gulp* in a $7.7 million *gasp* London mansion? Well why don't you just agree to live in a gutter ya slummer!

There is talk that Heather McCartney-Mills has settled down and is no longer demanding $19,000 in "just to get by" money nor will she fight for sole custody.

According to world spies - the deal is in the works. Click here for other Mills news.

Greedy Mills - Stunt Driver?

WTF?! Driving and videotaping at the same time...is she trying to crash and get out of her gig on "Dancing with the Stars?"

Heather "Greedy" Mills-McCartney was snapped operating a video camera while driving from the Brighton railway station in London March 7. Eyewitnesses say she also ran a red light about a 1/2 mile from the station. Reports say Mills, 39, was at the station to pick up her lover former bodyguard Mark Payne.

I'm first in line to smack the greedy ho!

McCartney Singing For Changeat Your Nearest Starbucks

So maybe it won't go that far but he has signed with US-based Starbuck's new Hear Music record label. Fox News is reporting McCartney will be the first artist to sign with the company. Hope Heather Mills doesn't get a penny of this loot!

Beatle McCartney also plans to take his entire back catalogue of WINGS and solo work with him. The catalogue includes classics like BAND ON THE RUN and his most recent hit album, CHAOS AND CREATION IN THE BACKYARD, which was nominated for four Grammy Awards, including Album of the Year, in 2006.

A source claims record executives at Capitol were devastated by the news, saying, "They knew it was coming. They did nothing for the Chaos album, and they were reminded that McCartney's entire contract was ending."