Happy Birthday Madonna!

Took this pic of my girl at her Miami concert last July.

No, I didn't forget. Madonna has me on speed dial and called a minute ago to wonder why the hell I haven't wished her a rockin' birthday on Upchuck so here you go Madge!

You are an original, an innovator, the queen of reinvention...you dance, sing, get up and do your thing...despite the haters. LONG LIVE MADONNA!

Now, enough with the corn. Rumor has it Madonna is planning to celebrate her 50th birthday on August, 16, 2008, with a very special concert in NYC's Central Park. Ugh, Central Park in August...prepare to pass out people.

A source tells Britain's Sun, "One of the ideas she loves is to do Central Park on her birthday. She came up with it and has been discussing it as a serious possibility...She doesn't like getting older but she knows there's no way she can pretend her birthday isn't happening...She is planning to kick off a world tour next June in America to promote her new album. Playing at Central Park would be the highlight...She sees it as a huge televised event."

Are you reading this Ang? I will have given birth by then so we will have to high-tail our arses to NYC for a quick concert! Ya hearrrrd. Oh, and Amy, we'll be staying at your place. ;)

This is a pic of my post-concert celebratory toast (Patron and Corona) in Miami last year. In your honor Madge, I will recreate said toast this evening. Your welcome. ;)

The Brangelina Clan's Week in a Nutshell

Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and their broad, are in Chicago while she films Wanted. What is Wanted about you ask? A hot chick with guns and fast cars - apparently. Nahhh, something about assasins and shite.

Let's see...the top photo and first photo below are of the family leaving the Field Museum of Natural History, the next two are of Brangelina leaving Japonais restaurant (let's hope she had more than a salad and water with lemon) and the final pic is of Jolie with Maddox leaving a Borders book store (my oldest niece would be jealous).


The following were snapped on the set of Wanted. Oooooooooooo...sexxxxxxyyyyyy.

Who is Sexier?

Porn star Jenna Jameson or Mr. Burns from The Simpsons?

Seriously though, if Jenna is what is passing as sexy these days...count me out.

I'm sure some of you will say "She doesn't look too skinny!" or "She looks good!" but I then must say to you "WTF are you thinking?!" You people have been bamboozled by Hollywood and the media. If she looks this skinny in pictures - how the hell skinny is she in person?

Need Some Tequila with that Lyme?

According to Ok! magazine, Peter Sarsgaard was stricken with Lyme's disease while enjoying his hoity-toity self on Martha's Vineyard recently.

Sarsgaard (who wants to play pirate?) was vacationing with his wife actress Maggie Gyllenhaal and their daughter Ramona, when he was apparently bitten by a starf**king tick and was forced to head home to NYC to recuperate.

That mess can be serious if not treated appropriately and promptly. Get well soon mysterious and aloof man.

Biel's Getting Naked

Justin Timberlake's luva Jessica Biel is said to be showing some T&A in the upcoming movie Powder Blue - currently filming in Los Angeles and co-starring Forest Whitaker, Ray Liotta and Patrick Swayze.

Biel plays a "stripper trying to earn money to raise her terminally ill son," and Us weekly is reporting Biel "signed a contract that explicitly details the bare minimum fans will see - including shots of her breasts and butt."

While I don't have the nudies (yet) I do have her in her skivvies. Enjoy.

Cindy's Son is So Pretty!

Cindy Crawford brought her son Presley,8, and daughter Kaya, 5, to the premier of High School Musical 2 at Disneyland on Tuesday.

Seriously, that boy is prettier than his sister and she's a cutie. If I didn't know he was a boy and he wasn't dressed as a boy - I would think he is one of the prettiest young girls I've ever seen. It's not normal!

Cindy looks her usual gorgeous self. Good on ya Cindy!

Cam's Filming in Vegas...Where's Mr. Mindfreak?

Cameron Diaz was in Las Vegas filming What Happens in Vegas co-starring Ashton Kutcher and due out June 2008. Did she hook up again with Criss Angel "Mindfreak?" Ahhh, that's right. She's not dating that dude anymore. Too much baggage.

Rumor has it she has moved on to Mr. Big Head. Who's that you ask? Well, it's none other than super talented musician/singer John Mayer. Diaz took a break from filming to hook up with Mayer in NYC. "The two were nuzzly and besotted as they strolled hand in hand down Lafayette St. Tuesday night."

Lookey, lookey, here. Criss Angel and NitBrit photographed together in Vegas recently. They shouldn't be going out...they should be taking showers together. Blech.

Eva Eats?

I've abandoned you all much like Britney has her children and that's because, well, because of the likes of NitBrit. I post and I post then these idiots sicken me and I have to go on a "celebrity fast." Nicole Richie's pregnancy really sent me over the edge. It's nice to ignore celebrities for so that I come back fresh and reinvigorated...which should last, oh, about a day.

Here's some Eva Longoria shopping at Ralphs. The first thing I said when I saw these was, "Eva does dairy?" but then I realized she's making chile to feed that ugly beast of a bag of hers. Glad I won't be around to smell the post-meal fumes.

Is it just me or are those shoes obnoxious? Not as obnoxious as me but obnoxious nonetheless. Yes, I know the last pic wasn't taken at Ralphs. It just showed off her brick shoes and beastly bag so well I had to include it.