Where's My Paint Can?! JLo's Wearing Fur Again!

AHHHHHH, I DESPISE people who wear fur! You can practically hear them, in the most pretentious voice possible saying, "Darling, this is the best chinchilla (or whatever animals skinned for their sake - it takes many to make one damn coat) the world has to offer. Yes, darrrrling, I am sooo warm. I would just diiiiiie without my fur coats, vests and wraps."

It makes my skin crawl and I want to punch JLO in the face along with every other person who wears fur. We don't live in the time of the caveman/cavewoman where they had no other options...GET WITH IT YOU ARSEHOLES!

It is impossible to make fur wearing look good - you just look like a stuck up arsehole - and JLO wore the same fur vest to a photocall in Paris on Friday (March 23 '07) as she did when she arrived in Spain - and stepped off her private jet.

And to top it all off: Your entire outfit at the photocall looks ridiculous, your husband still looks like Skeletor and you're shoes look like you borrowed them from the Olsen sisters. Hire a new stylist women. If that stylist is you - you're fired. Can you tell she has pissed me off?! I shouldn't be pissed off before game day. It's not good for my nerves.

Seriously, those shoes look like hospital-hooker shoes...Everybody all together now, "U-G-L-Y they ain't got no alibi - they ugly - they ugly!"

Hey JLo, the make up industry called to say you don't need to use ALL PRODUCTS at once dear

Why do some women who are naturally beautiful insist on wearing so much make-up? Jennifer Lopez does not need to boat load that she's always photographed wearing. The concealer, the foundation, the incredibly heavy eyes...WHY?! It almost drives me as bonkers as Britney's outfits.

Oh, in case you wondered, JLo and Mr. JLo were snapped at Us Weekly's Hot Hollywood party...'cause these self-centered rich biotches need to hear how wonderful they are even more than they already do. *sigh*

*** CLICK ALL PICS FOR AN UP CLOSE & PERSONAL VIEW! ***

Lindsay Lohan was there and was kind enough to provide a home for all the stray birds with that dayum hair style of hers...

Gorgeous Ali Lart from "Heroes" was there looking gorgeous! If I hear one more idiot say she needs a boob job - I'll cut 'em.

Carmen Electra was there 'cause there isn't an event she won't go to. Hey, can't hate her - publicity is everything...

Would ya looky here...Paris(ite) Hilton was also there. And look, her mouth is opening...must be a penis approaching...

JLo in Dayglo

Jennifer's doing the LaLohan red but is definitely working with better skin tone - none of that Oompaloompa junk Lohan goes for. JLo was snapped leaving a Miami hair salon yesterday. Some will say that she's wearing a moomoo but I think it's adorable and perfect for those bloated days we all experience - it is eyelet and I love eyelet - makes me feel 10 again!

WTF Happened to Leah?!

Leah Remini looks like a burn victim that's doing their best to pancake make-up on to help with the scarring. What happened? Is she ok?

I know, damn Xenu or Tom "Jesus" Cruise has her undergoing some crazy detoxification crap that's morphing her into an unrecognizable pile of blech. STEP AWAY FROM SKELETOR TOO! Leave Mr. JLo and JLo alone! p.s...these were taken at the Us Hot Hollywood party.

Too Much WRONG JLo!

Seriously, WTF was Jennifer Lopez thinking when she showed up at Roberto Cavalli’s ‘Just Cavalli’ store opening Friday evening in NYC.

I really try not to be too mean on Upchuck but JLO really gets to me sometimes. That dress/robe thingy is obnoxious. You can be pms'ing and bloated without wearing a mumu.

What's with the make-up? She always drives me nuts with her damn make-up. The make-up artist does so much concealing of her under-eye-around-the-nose area that her actual nose looks all Rudolph-y or like she has a perpetual cold.

Eh gawd. That look. Can you try any harder woman? No I don't want to f**k you and neither does my husband (though he probably would if you paid him) - stop trying to rope us in - you just look silly.

What is Skeletor Thinking?

Jennifer Lopez and Mr. JLo, er, um, Marc Anthony, premiered their movie El Cantante' in Puerto Rico.

I found these first two pics of them weird. But then again, almost any pic with Skeletor in it is weird - he's just unlucky like that. But he's married to a hot chica and he's super rich! Not bad Skeletor. But I digress.

What I was getting at is that, to me, in the first pic he looks like JLo just ripped a stinky one and he caught a huge whiff.

In the second pic he looks like he could be thinking one of two things: 1) I will suck the life from you - just keeeeeep on kissin' me. OR 2) WTF are you kissing me for bisch?!?! I don't swing your way.

I'm thinking 1.

Beauty and the...What Is He?

These were snapped at Berlin's Echo Music Awards on Sunday, March 25 ('07). Is it just me or is Skeletor caving in on himself? He appears to have a serious case of manorexia and he's making JLO skinnier as well. What, is food forbidden in their homes and hotel rooms?

JLO looks fierce! 'Twas a good recovery from her nasty fur outfit(s) of late.

Some Fugly & Some Pretty

The Metropolitan Museum of Art helds it's annual Art Costume Institute Gala last night in New York. Um, there were some hits and some major misses on the dress front.

Jennifer Connelly is a mysterious goddess and she looks stunning. However, I cannot stand heels that fail to contain the little toe. It looks incredibly uncomfortable - and it is!...

Jennifer Lopez looked ultra-glamorous and I actually approve of her make-up in these pics. Skeletor (or Mr. JLo) still completely skeeves me out...sorry...can't help it...

Angie Harmon was clearly channeling the 80's and Dynasty - that dress is straight up hideous...

Eva Mendes looked pretty and glamorous but Michael Kors looks like David Gest on a good night...ick...

Christina Ricci looked vavavoom but I'm not a fan of hot pink lipstick...

Chloe Sevigny could seriously have done something with her hair - how boring. She's cool though...

Claire Danes looks alright...

I love Amanda Peet but that dress looks like she made it the night before in her hotel room...

Bits o' Musical Chicas

If you've visited Celebrity Upchuck™ before - you know I love Fergie. She has her haters but I'm not one of them. However, this dress is a do-wrong. It looks like she literally cut the drapes from her hotel window and fashioned a dress...it's so stiff and matronly! Straight-up heavy drapes. Better luck next time Fergs. I love you. xox

The pics in of JLO in beige are of her leaving her hotel Tuesday evening after changing post-TRL appearance. Do you dig her "Fly-like" goggles? Skeletor is pimpin' his outfit but I swear the dude is caving in on himself.

-- The other pics are leftovers of her leaving Mtv studios in Time Square and arriving back at her hotel. Note that one of her "helpers" is carrying a Sephora bag. LOVE IT!

Check out these pics of Avril Lavigne signing autographs outside of her hotel in London. She looks like she's in a spitting mood. We know she wouldn't make any apologies for it either!