An Open Letter to My Girl Fergie,

Hey Gurrrrl! How you durren?!

I know you haven't been able to check in with me because you've been super busy lately with all the working out and vacationing. Please know that I have been saying wonderful things about you and root you on every day. We're sistas ya know!

The pics of you and Joshy in Mexico were so touching Ferg! How sweet is it that he helped cram your swimsuit up butt! So sweet I can't stand it!

There is a lot of stress in your life so I totally understand how you would get too tipsy to fly but, well, let me get to the reason why I'm writing you:

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING?! WHY DID YOU SHOW UP IN LONDON LIKE THIS? Hungover? Not an excuse. A hangover means a Juicy velour tracksuit, a baseball cap and large shades! You did ok with the shades, heels, skinny jeans & handbag. But come on - you're wearing the hat like your a dang train conductor and that jacket/coat thingy (that probably cost $3k) belongs on your mama.

Seriously though, I want you to be great! For people to love you as I do. Call a b*tch next time. That's all I'm sayin' sweety. 'K? 'K!

Love you always...You know I do! XOXOXOXO Upchuck